A Place Called Home

Why so anxious?

2011-12-31T21:59:00.000-08:00

I love Christmastime. I love the season of Advent. I wait 11 months each year, for it to begin again. And then I try to slow down and treasure each moment. Sure, some days are busier than I prefer...there's a bit of stress involved with fitting everyone and everything in, and we work at prioritizing our calendar AND the celebrating! We have simplified so that gift giving is fun and a joy, rather than an expensive chore. And when I unplug the Christmas tree lights on the 25th, I still look forward to waking up and seeing them again on the 26th. After all, Advent does not end, officially, until January 6; Epiphany. The day we commemorate the wise men finding Jesus, after a long search.

Imagine my surprise then, in reading Facebook updates, one after another, detailing how Christmas trees are packed away Christmas night...or, the 26th! And how thrilled person after person is...to "set the house back in order". To put Christmas away. And to be fair, I understand that a Christmas tree takes up space. I know the extra decorations can be clutter. And honestly, I used to be one of those people; proud to be done with Christmas the moment the gifts were unwrapped. But over the years, my heart has changed. I am charged with providing the atmosphere of Christmas in our home; I do the planning, the buying, the wrapping, the baking, the cards, the decorating...and I love it! The traditions we choose will become memories for our family, our children. They will remember what we do! Our Christmas, year after year, will be what they recall one day...what we do will be what Christmas "is" to them.

The JOY, the LIGHT, the FUN of Christmas...is so often represented, so often captured, in these decorations; both traditional ones, like the tree and Nativity, but also the extras placed here and there around our homes. And then the outdoor lights sparkling on dark and cold winter nights. I am indeed, surprised, that so many of us are so anxious to put Christmas away. Can't we let it live a few extra days? For actually, Christmas BEGINS on the 25th! It does not end there! The anticipatory joy of a newly born baby does not end on the day it is welcomed into the world! The pregnancy ends, the waiting is complete...but the JOY of that birth begins the day a baby takes its first breath. Likewise, Christmas begins the day we celebrate the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ! So at our home, we let the lights shine a bit longer...we revel in the Christmas joy as long as possible and reflect upon all that this Advent season means. For truly, the heart of Christmas, the heart of our Christ, should last year round; it is not something to be hurried through, packed away, and cleaned up. I want to yell "slow down!!" to the world around me.

This year, I did not put up two Christmas trees; I felt the need to pare down what went up so that I could more easily handle taking it all down when time allows. We have a tall, thin tree that is potted, and designed so that it can be left up through winter months. Or year round, really. And so, I decorated this tree, with felt ornaments and other bits and pieces that are non-breakable as I have little ones who constantly touch and rearrange the ornaments on it. As I was perusing the after-Christmas markdowns at Target, I noted red and white felt hearts in the ornament section...and plenty of snowmen and snowflakes. I picked up some silver glittered snowflakes, and these red hearts and white hearts...and now my Christmas tree looks like Valentine's Day! All at a markdown. I hope to grab some pink hearts later, as Valentine sales commence. I took down Christmas garland, but left up greenery which was decorated with snowmen and/or pinecones. My decorations are trending towards winter season, with a bit of Christmas thrown in. This allows us to hold on to Christmas magic just a bit longer in our home. To enjoy the lovely twinkling lights awhile, without feeling that we need to pack away "Christmas".

With every passing year, I am aware of how quickly time flies. My babies grow fast, becoming kids, then teenagers. This time with them is precious; our family whole and unscattered. I do not want to wish it away, to be done with this glorious season. The day will come, that my children might not all gather at Christmas; they may come at different times, or God may lead them across the country so that visits are rare. I want to take in these days in which we are all, blessedly (and sometimes loudly!) together. I want to take time to embrace the season, the heart change...to prepare for the pain of Lent and the coming joy of Easter season; to walk the Liturgical year step by step as Jesus walked the earth step by step. Moment by moment, each, in its God-ordained time. We cannot--or should not--rush through life, eager to pass each stage and pack away each holiday! Savor time! Relish moments. Live purposefully.

Mornings

2011-09-02T07:30:00.000-07:00

photo credit
Ohhh, the joys of having early risers. Actually, it isn't as difficult as it used to be. My older children are now able to get their own cereal, and will typically help the younger ones as well--if I'm not up--although most of the time, I am. And the baby (18 months) has joined in the fun of rising early. This morning, he was up at 6:30. So, I poured the coffee early, thus starting my caffeine drip.

But there were moments to savor today. My little man was able to wave goodbye as Daddy left for work. Of course, he followed Daddy to the car, calling out "Ri! Ri!" (Ride). When he wasn't buckled into his car seat, the little guy switched to waving just as fast as his little arm would let him. Then he strolled all over the front yard until we retreated to the back (fenced) yard. The air was pleasant; not yet hot and humid, and with a gentle breeze whispering that Autumn is on the way. You know when there's just the slightest hint of cool? It's as though the air has shed summertime, just as trees are preparing to shed leaves and squirrels busily work all day, gathering acorns. (We have a beautiful, tall oak tree so we enjoy watching their antics). Anyway, in the back yard we played, enjoying the outdoors. First, he wanted to ride the tricycle (which means Mama pushes him along), then he wanted to swing (a big smile on his toddler face)...and then he saw the bottles of bubbles. "Bubba! Bubba!" he called out as he reached for one. So we blew bubbles. And blew bubbles. He gleefully tried to catch them, especially pleased when a bubble landed and didn't pop. Until, of course, he popped it himself.

And then, one by one, big brother and sisters each appeared to join in a few minutes of play before the sun heats up the air to an unbearable degree (107 is today's September 2 forecast...UGH). The little girls were still clad in their sweet nightgowns, but this didn't stop them from joyfully swinging...nor from marching around the yard...nor from collecting acorns and acorn tops for their fairy house (a make-believe creation that encourages them to look for bits and pieces of nature, to add to the fairy house at the base of our oak tree). Meanwhile I escape indoors to refill my coffee, pull out the first load of laundry for today, and wash/refill the bubbles bottles for next time.

And then, at last, the sun is high enough to erase the pleasure of outdoors, and so, inside they tromp. Time to wash hands, eat breakfast, and begin lessons. Another reason to love homeschooling. Rather than waking my children, rushing here and there to get them dressed, fed, and out the door "on time"...we are able to wake naturally (remember, they are early risers on their own, so no one really sleeps in), to greet the mornings slowly and with joy. If we are blessed with beautiful weather, we can take pleasure in God's creation before we begin routine. If clouds and rain greet us, we can soak in the cozy atmosphere instead of running out the door and into the rain and away to school. Our days hold order, but they are also our own. We create the routine which works for our family; we structure our days to allow for childhood to emerge, to allow for learning to take place on its own (although there are still complaints over assignments that one child or another does not *like* to do!). We order our time most days, rather than being ordered around by someone else's schedule, convenience, what-have-you. There will be plenty of time to march to the beat of someone else's drum when my children grow up and gain responsibilities of jobs, higher education, families. But why rush it? Childhood calls! Nature; God's creation, waves to us daily. Time is fleeting, and children are only children for a short time, but memories last forever. I'm thankful that I can create daily memories with my most treasured ones.

To be fair, some days wax much less poetic. Some nights with a baby allow little rest, and some days every one wakes up grumpy...on those days, it might be tempting to rush them out the door in order that they may be someone else's problem for a few hours. But we charge through, correcting attitudes as necessary (including my own!), and we pray for patience and grace, and we know that the Lord's mercies are new every morning. That is the everlasting hope we have while on this earth.

Time for the last of my coffee. Time to switch the laundry. Time for lessons, for the day's work, to begin.

Ohhh, the joys...

2011-08-21T09:39:00.000-07:00

...of taking a shower without interruption, without knocking on the bathroom door, or yelling outside of the door! Today, I stayed home with our youngest (1) while my husband and other children headed to church. He has been sleeping poorly, due to a huge molar breaking through--and--a plethora of mosquito bites disturbing his naps and night times. He is highly allergic to mosquitoes, it appears, and so his bites swell up into huge welts of itchy irritation, and they take several days to heal up. And he must have sweet blood, because if he is outdoors for any time at all, he comes back in with numerous bites. But I am not a huge fan of spraying tons of chemical on little ones...so...we deal. And today, that meant he would need an early nap (grumpy bear that he is this morning!) so Mama stayed home.

But, that means a quiet house...a moment to blog...time to clean up a few piles of this-n-that, watch a couple of Food Network recordings...or whatever! Time to reflect, to pray, to read my Bible...to adjust my poor attitude, to frame positive thinking for the week ahead, to be grateful for the many everyday blessings of life.

I hate missing church, but when it happens, I enjoy the quiet. And a shower without interruption :)

Back to School

2011-08-20T17:59:00.000-07:00

We just picked up our first apples of the season! Walmart had some lovely "Pink Lady" variety on sale tonight, and they are goooood. Happy kids at this house tonight! After a very tasty ham and bean soup, homemade cornbread, followed by a kid fave "sopapilla cheesecake" for dessert, apples made the perfect bedtime snack.

I love this time of year...back-to-school season. I love going to the parks, the zoo, the library, or anywhere else, and finding all these places suddenly void of activity. Because everyone is in school, and in a whirlwind of activities...for the next NINE months!! But for us homeschoolers, the world is our oyster! No lines, no waiting, no crowds, and plenty of TIME. The way Summer opens up the world for everyone else, Autumn opens up the world for us.

We school year round because learning is part of life, not an activity allocated for 7 hours 5 days a week, for 9 months. And because keeping our routine somewhat in sync, keeps our household running smoothly. And because I like greater flexibility for all kinds of reasons. Still, this time of year brings unmistakable energy to the air. Mornings are cooler again (or soon will be!); and evenings often carry the slightest chill in the air. A hint of what's ahead. Tthe city suddenly rejoins us in having a routine! And back-to-school sales abound; freshly sharpened pencils, brand new crayons, sticks of glue, notebooks, packs of paper, zipper bags in every color, and miscellaneous supplies of every kind are on the front aisles of stores. New clothing appears on store racks (although it's not quite time for long sleeves in Kansas!), and autumnal decor appears on store shelves. And for us homeschoolers, new books appear on our own shelves!

Another reason to love this time of year...the scenery will soon be breathtakingly beautiful as the trees turn rich shades of brown, gold, red, and orange. A simple Sunday drive will offer loveliness, just around every bend in the road. A walk to the park, or just stepping outside the back door will bring a moment to savor God's creation, unfolding it's glorious color! And I love the rainy days of Fall, overcast, chilly. Good weather for snuggling in flannel sheets, for lighting candles in the evenings, for daydreaming under a quilt, for family movies complete with popcorn and warm spiced cider.

Of course, it's football season! And that makes my man happy! This year, his (and therefore mine by marriage) favorite college team (GO BIG RED--HUSKERS!) is playing in a new conference. Big 10, baby!

Then there's the food...cozy suppers; often soups or stews, simmering all afternoon. Fresh bread baking. Sweet potatoes. Cookies, still warm from the oven. Apple crisp, topped with vanilla ice cream...pumpkin cake. Sunday roast, and eventually, Thanksgiving turkey. Christmas ham. And endless holiday baking! Cooking (and baking!) is simply more fun in cold weather :)

Decadence

2010-04-19T12:52:00.000-07:00

I wish I'd taken a picture of today's dessert. Just for this post. But I didn't...sorry. I was busy eating it. It sounds very decadent, but I can justify almost any food...

Vanilla-Banana Ice cream sundae with peanut butter, caramel, and chocolate. Ohhhhhh, yeah. Ready for the justification? In other words, the health value?

Here goes:

3 small scoops vanilla ice cream (counts as a dairy serving, right? OK, that might be a stretch! But what if it's Breyer's all-natural vanilla? Still no? Fine, be stingy.)

Cut up a banana on top of the ice cream (now that IS a full serving of fruit)

Melt about 2-3 tablespoons of peanut butter and pour this over the ice cream and bananas (now, I am a fan of "Peter Pan" brand, but if you're stingy, use an all-natural brand...either way, it still counts as a protein)

THEN, for the decadent part, drizzle a spoon full or two of caramel topping over the whole thing (no justification here, this is the decadent part, remember?)

And finally, for the heart-healthy topper...if you don't believe me, google "benefits of eating dark chocolate" and happy reading. You'll thank me. Anyway, chop up a square of quality dark chocolate and dump that on top of all that yumminess in your bowl. You could even have 2 squares, but I found one to be enough this time around. Of course, I ate the other square straight. I forgot to mention that.

So, there you have it. Now go make your own and enjoy every bite, GUILT FREE! Heck, you could even make mini-sundaes for the kids without worrying too much about it. And boy would they love you. No, I didn't do that for my kids. I love them all, but with under-5 crowd (and the over-5 boy) would have that messiness ALL over themselves. I'll save the idea for when they've grown up a bit. Or wait for swimsuit weather and then I can hose 'em all off outdoors.

Our little Noah

2010-04-03T09:05:00.000-07:00

****warning; while not graphic, this post includes birthing details and the word "cervix" !****

Today I am mesmerized by this little creature...he is a precious 4 weeks now, and a whopping 10 pounds! Those adorable little rolls on his tiny arms and legs, those chubby cheeks and the kissable neck roll. I feel so humbled, and so blessed to have this little one in my life...and I'm thankful that my husband and I didn't stop with 4 children...for if we had, we would never have met this little angel.

Presently, he has contracted the nasty virus our other children shared, so we are praying for his continued health and wellness. He just returned home from his first hospital stay, in fact. 24 hours, several deep suctioning treatments, and a diagnosis of RSV. But thankfully, no fever, nursing stable, good urine output, no oxygen assistance, and good vitals the entire time! Praise God for that! And praise God that his older siblings are all healing from the virus too, with minimal complications.

So 4 weeks ago, it was a mild Thursday morning. The sun was shining, the air chilly, as it often is just before Spring officially arrives. We loaded our minivan with the birthing-kit-in-a-box, my suitcase with after-birth clothing and the baby's things, and an infant car seat. We were full of anticipation, knowing that this day would likely bring a precious new life into our family. My weekly midwife appointment indicated labor was imminent, and at my request, my midwife would place prostoglandin gel on my cervix to kickstart things. On this morning, I was dilated to a solid 4, and my cervix was still thick, but very soft. This only works if a body is "ready" to go anyway, and is helpful for the parents-to-be in getting childcare lined out and avoiding sudden labor in the middle of the night! :) With our 4th child, we used this method of a "natural kickstart" and had her in our arms about 4 hours later!!

Just as it should, labor kicked in...whew! The contractions weren't terribly painful but they were strong and demanded I take notice. It was recommended we go for a walk, just to really push things into gear...so we did. And sure enough, the contractions strengthened! I was getting pretty excited with our progress and hopeful to have a precious little one delivered around lunchtime. I walked a bit more, pushing myself. We returned to the house so I could rest a few minutes as we geared up for the next level. And then an odd thing happened....my labor stopped. Just stopped. I started to pace the floor, and it eventually picked back up a bit. I did some squatting and I could really feel that! OUCH! Good, progress. Right?

Before long, it was time to fill the birthing tub, and, I got in. The relief was unbelievable! Sinking into the warm water, feeling my muscles relax one by one. Water brings such a soothing effect to laboring Moms; and it offers strength along with a sense of peace. At some point, I also had a popsicle...I don't remember if it was in the tub or not...but I love popsicles during labor. Another *must have* for me! Much to my dismay, despite continuing to squat a bit in the tub, my labor halted once again. I was at least 5 cm dilated...labor shouldn't be stopping!! This was my 5th baby; he should be practically falling out of there! The last thing I wanted to do was get out of the tub, but that is what I had to do...and then, I got dressed, and we went walking again. In no time at all, my contractions were so strong I had to bend over, and we returned to the house, as I feared having this baby in the street!

And then labor stopped. Again. One of my midwives suggested a massage with arnica oil; she found all those painful knots in my uterine muscles, and a few on my back too. It was a wonderful blessing and brought me relief...she was also hopeful that rubbing out some twists in my uterine muscles might help move things along. Indeed, I would have strong contractions for awhile, then they would stop. If I sat down, everything stopped. My water has had to be broken with all of my deliveries, usually taking two tries (strong sack??!!)...so my midwives decided to try this, but the sack didn't bulge during contractions, and the baby's head would float back up after a contraction, so we were not able to break it without presenting too much risk to our little one.

This was a new experience to me; labor #5 shouldn't start and stop; my body was ready. I could feel all the "signs". Some contractions were incredibly painful and took my breath away. Although it hadn't happened in previous labors, pain would shoot down my legs with contractions. I couldn't understand why the baby's head wasn't lodging into position and why labor kept stalling. Eventually, I made it to a good 6 cm dilated, and there was no turning back...but baby wasn't coming either.

I was pretty exhausted from constant walking or pacing. Lunchtime had come and gone, with no baby. I didn't eat, because I didn't want to get sick during labor. But by mid-afternoon, I was starving and wiped out. I wondered what was going on! I had planned to be napping with a newborn at this time!! My children were home with Grandma and Papa, anxious for news...I had told them we might be home by suppertime. (Mistake; do not promise a timeline when waiting for a baby to arrive!) And now, clearly, that wouldn't be the case. Discouragement set in, and, on top of hunger and exhaustion, I just wanted to go home and go to bed. But we all knew that being dilated to 6 meant the baby could come any time, if the contractions started back up. I didn't want him to be born in the car--nor did I want to drop off to sleep and wake up to hard labor!

I ate, and we tried some different positions and strong contractions would ensue, bringing tears to my eyes. But they would stop. I paced and paced the floors some more. My midwives decided to try breaking my water again; there was nothing left to try, and I was afraid to go home. We didn't have overnight childcare, and night was on the way. This time, the baby's head lodged enough to get a bulge in the bag...my midwife was able to break my water! I thought "praise God, this baby will be coming soon!" But then those strong contractions hit. And I wondered what I was thinking, in wanting to go through labor again!!

Back into the tub I went, this time, confident that all would go well. Sure enough, the contractions didn't stop, but the warm water didn't help too much...they were incredibly painful, and the pain shot down my legs. I knew it must be getting close, and I kept wondering why my midwives weren't telling me to push. I could feel the intense pain...my mind kept telling me it was "time". I remember asking what was happening; my one midwife quietly spoke phrases from the Bible to me, about strength, and asking God for help. The other encouraged me to focus on pushing with the pain. At this point, I was too exhausted to do much! I wanted to, but I had little strength left, after a long day of off-and-on labor and tons of pacing!

Once again, the last thing I wanted to do was get out of the tub, but I had to. I didn't understand why this baby wasn't coming!! We needed to try another position and I honestly didn't feel I could do it on my own. Within a few minutes, I was on the birthing "table" (set in a semi reclined position, so my head was raised). Searing pain tore through me with each contraction, and I remember yelling pretty loudly...everyone was telling me to push, to keep going, and I'm pretty sure I yelled back that I couldn't do it anymore. I was crying and yelling with each contraction, and my midwife said the head was here! Relief in a couple more pushes...or not. I had my husband on one side, and one of my midwives on the other, and for a moment there was silence in between contractions...my midwife said she needed me to focus, and for a split second, I could. She said they'd need to try manipulation...and I asked what she meant. It all became clear then; this little guy was FACE UP instead of face down. I realized they were going to try to turn him...I was out of strength, but I nodded anyway. One midwife held my leg--I wanted to, but I felt paralyzed--the other midwife reached in there, turned him, and he practically fell out. I don't even think I had to push again. I remember such huge, instant relief--having the baby out is always a relief, but this time, it was immense! Suddenly, almost before I realized what had happened (that he had come!), he was on my chest and I was holding this beautiful little boy covered in vernix (which would make amazing hand cream, if someone could bottle it up!) He was protesting rather loudly, but with the sweetest newborn cry.

The moment was captured on camera; the relief mixed with delight on my face as I smiled at him...his tiny body, fresh from the womb, his lungs breathing air for the first time. He was certainly the most beautiful sight (well, besides my other 4 babies!!)...I felt nothing buy joy; for several minutes, there was absolutely no pain (my reward for losing out on the waterbirth??). Just sheer joy in the birth of this amazing little creature.

Eventually, all of the "post birth" was finished up, I was cleaned up, and robed, and holding my clean, fresh little one, swaddled tightly and topped with one of those stretchy newborn caps, in blue. Ohhhh, those moments of meeting him. Seeing the little feet that had been kicking me, smelling his sweetness, and nuzzling his tiny head. It had been a long, hard day...a confusing labor experience, but it sure ended beautifully. Later we realized how blessed we truly were...some of the "sunny-side-up" babies end up in emergency C-section...others include back labor (my labor was intensely painful, but the pain shot down my legs instead of radiating through my lower back)...sometimes the babies are in distress, but Noah never was. We praise God for this, for His hand of protection over my and our baby...and for the wisdom God gave my midwives throughout the day. Although I had desired another water birth, I was thankful my midwife had me get out; they wouldn't have been able to check and see the baby's position otherwise...she jokingly said, later on, that if I hadn't left the tub, I'd still be in there!! It was a rough labor, and I'd expected an easier time for #5 (isn't that the way it *should* work??)...but now my son has his own unique birth story.

Although I haven't mentioned his part in all of this, my husband was there every step of the way! He walked with me, held my hand, jumped up to bring me water or popsicles, to help me in and out of the tub...whatever I needed. He offered constant support and encouragement and kept me company. He supplied food when it was time :) His voice was in my ears cheering me on, especially when it was really, truly "time"...I remember him saying (loudly, to be heard over my own screaming) that "his head is here! C'mon, you can do this, you've done it 4 times before..." I wouldn't want to give birth without this man at my side. He was the one-man camera crew too; and while I was well-cared for after the birth, he took advantage of the time my midwives spent helping me with the after-birth unpleasantness, and as a result, we have some great "first moments" shots--and--my son's arrival was announced on Facebook within seconds!

Likewise, my midwife Kathy, has delivered my 3rd and 4th babies, and she is wonderful! It is so reassuring to have her at my births. She had to take on the role of assistant midwife this time, to let the other midwife be "primary attending"...as a result, she was at my side, holding one of my hands. What a blessing! This time, I had a 2nd midwife with me, as she is working on obtaining her license. She is the dear lady who actually delivered my 5th child, and the brave soul who "reached in there and turned him!" She also offered the arnica oil massage, a beautiful gift she tries to present to each of her mothers.

The Bible says that Mary "pondered these things in her heart"...as with each of my birth memories, I ponder these things in my own heart. I try and recall the little details, I relive the birth moments in my mind...these memories are so precious; the moments of meeting our little babies, the moments of joy as they are born. A joy that literally erases the pain of labor, in an instant (usually!).

Noah Andrew was born March 4, 2010 at around 6pm. He weighed in a 7 pounds and 15 ounces, although he is now up to 10 pounds!!

Bits and Pieces of today

2010-03-01T08:29:00.000-08:00

It's been months and months since I've written here...time slips by quickly with 4 children underfoot and homeschooling and all the things necessary to keep our home running smoothly. "Smoothly" is relative. :) And so now, we are anxiously awaiting the birth of baby #5. I've reached that point where I am ready and willing to go through labor to get this baby out!! (And that's with natural childbirth, as our babies are born at home).

For today, however, I am thankful for the blessing of a new (gently used and stored awhile) sofa which is in such better shape than our old one. 4 jumping children and lots of daily use certainly took the spring out of our old one. This one is firm but comfortable and slightly smaller (good for limited space!) and in such great condition. I'd prayed on occasion, for God to somehow provide a new-to-us sofa as I noticed the wearing down of our old one. We watched a nearby Salvation Army store, to no avail. I'm so grateful now, that my prayers were answered. Our furniture works in a "cozy" setting, but is certainly not a matched set; all good seating though, very functional, and coordinated, thanks to the use of blankets here and there!

On another grateful note, we found a gas stove (small, but with great BTU's) that is decorative and perfect for an upstairs living area. On clearance! My Dad has a good eye. Anyway, we just had it installed yesterday (a new gas line run) and it was so lovely to wake up and make tea and sit there, near the flames and warmth. This particular room has a wonderful bank of windows, but the draftiness is terrible. Not anymore! Yippeee! I had hoped we could have the stove installed before our baby comes, so I can enjoy a few cozy mornings with him...maybe some chilly Spring evenings too, in front of the low flames.

Thank you God, for these small blessings of yesterday.

My "pre-baby-to-do-list" has been mostly whittled away. Bit by bit, day by day. We are ready. Oh, sure, it will be great if we can get the floors mopped again...and I do need to finish his little quilt. But the must-be-done items are crossed off now. Any other projects can be done in small spurts as I have the time and energy. Sorely lacking the latter, here, in these last days of pregnancy.

U-verse or U-nature?

2009-07-15T10:19:00.000-07:00

"Why do so many Americans say they want their children to watch less TV, yet continue to expand thhe opportunities for them to watch it? More important, why do so many people no longer consider the physical world worth watching? The highway's edges may not be postcard perfect. But for a century, children's early understanding of how cities and nature fit together was gained from the backseat: the empty farmhouse at the edge of the subdivision; the variety of architecture, here and there; the woods and fields and water beyond the seamy edges--all that was and is still available to the eye. This was the landscape that we watched as children. It was our drive-by movie."

~Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children from Nature-Deficit Disorder by Richard Louv

Ironically, as I'm reading this book, we are embarking on a new journey in our family...the installation of AT&T's U-verse! For many years, we have resisted cable--and honestly--we had to drop a couple of other small monthly luxuries in order to afford it--so cost has always been a determining factor as well. We will have to remain extra-diligent in turning OFF the TV, and monitoring what our children watch. As they grow, we are interested in some additional educational shows (such as Animal Planet and Discovery network offerings). My husband and I, for a variety of reasons, do not often go out on dates together. However, we adopted a couple of weekly shows that we enjoy watching together and we call that time "dates". Sometimes, we have a special dessert together, or pick up take out, just for us (after kids are in bed). The trouble is, the times and/or nights of our chosen shows are not usually convenient; enter DVR capabilities! No more hustling children off without a story, because it's "date night"; no more impatience as we struggle to have everyone peacefully sleeping by an early hour. We can use technology to our own advantage to assist in marital bliss and keeping the peace simultaneously!

Last year, we happened to be otherwise engaged on the evenings in which kids' seasonal Christmas specials were aired. Not important, true, but something from our own childhoods that we enjoy passing along to our young ones. This year, we will DVR the shows to watch when we have time.

Last year, my husband missed all but one or two Husker football games; because our local programming doesn't generally air that team's games. This year, he can enjoy them, and even DVR them if he's working on the air date. Then watch them commercial free!

And so, tomorrow, we have U-verse installed! There are some other great features; like faster internet than we currently have, for the same price (yea bundling!)...we can upload photos to Flickr then watch them on our TV...a caller's name will pop up on our TV if we're watching and we can decide whether or not to take the call (great for those date nights, or movie nights, or whatever!)...and since we rarely go to the movies, we can pay-per-view a newer release with our children, for MUCH less than a trip to the theater!

During the hot and humid weeks of Summer, when mosquito bites cover us, if we venture outdoors (like now...my kids are done out there after only 15 minutes!), some educational (or just for fun) programming may help with peace-keeping. Same thing when it's too cold to go out in Winter, or when everyone is nursing the inevitable head-cold.

So we are all pretty enthused about U-verse...but as I read the above book, I am reminded to be vigilant in keeping outdoor time a priority whenever possible, despite the lures of modern TV!

Jeannie Fulbright fun!

2009-05-20T07:51:00.001-07:00

Since I love and use Jeannie Fulbright's Apologia Elementary Science series, I was excited to see this giveaway she has planned! We will be using the "Astronomy" book soon, so one of these notebooks would sure be a fun addition to our science lessons. Anyone else joining in?

These journals are beautiful spiral bound notebooks that will save you time and money. You won't have to print and keep up with your child's notebook pages, buy and maintain page protectors, or purchase and compile binders...everything that makes notebooking time-consuming and labor intensive for mom. Also, your child will adore having their own notebooking journal.

Each of the notebooking journals include:

A daily schedule for those who like to have a plan or would like their children to complete the book on their own
Templates for written narrations, the notebooking activities and experiments
Review Questions
Scripture Copywork, with both print and cursive practice
Reading lists and additional activities, projects, experiments for each lesson
An appendix with beautiful, full-color, lapbook-style Miniature Books
Field Trip Sheets to keep a record field trips
A Final Review with fifty questions the students can answer either orally or in writing to show off all they remember and know at the end of the course.

See the sample pages here:

Botany: https://apologia.securesites.net/store/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=1&products_id=128

and

Astronomy: https://apologia.securesites.net/store/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=1&products_id=127

Jeannie is giving away four Astronomy Notebooking Journals and four Botany Notebooking Journals to bloggers who post about this on her site. Visit her blog to learn more about this contest: www.jeanniesjournal.com

Austen on the mind...

2009-04-30T14:32:00.000-07:00

Jane. Oh, how I adore her books-turned-into-movies! And frankly, I've only read parts of the books themselves. Yet, I want to read.them.all! I want to be part of a "Jane Austen Book Club"...given the time period in which Jane lived and wrote, her books are quite incredible. Scandalously exposing hidden rules of etiquette...showing society's rather unflattering tendencies towards extreme discrimination of all kinds...and yet the romance woven through her stories makes one wonder what her own heart held dear. "Becoming Jane" was an enjoyable movie, casting light on Jane, herself.

Amazingly, her books remain relevant...the parallels between my culture and hers may be closer than I would think...the elements of culture may not be so changed as I might assume. A woman's heart may be a deep ocean of secrets (Titanic), and at the same time, the secrets may be shared by all of us who call ourselves "female"--and proudly so!

Ahhhhh. Austen inspires me to read. To explore. To head off to Starbucks for a monthly "book club" meeting, with the current read in hand. Except...that...I'm not actually "in" a book club. One can wish. :)

Hot Cross Buns

2009-04-19T14:25:00.000-07:00

This year, on Easter weekend, I made "Hot Cross Buns"; something I've desired to do for many years, but oddly enough, have never done! I made my icing a bit runny, so the "cross" on the buns didn't work well--they ended up being "glazed" buns. But everyone loved them. So much, in fact, that I made a 2nd batch a day later. Then, in a stroke of genius, I made a 3rd batch later in the week--but that time--I rolled the dough out, spread it with butter, sprinkled it with cinnamon/sugar, and rolled it up like cinnamon rolls. They were wonderful; lightly sweet, but not overwhelmingly so.

I use the "dough" cycle on my bread machine for this recipe.

HOT CROSS BUNS
3/4 c milk
2 eggs
3 T butter
1/4 c sugar
1/2 t salt
1 t cinnamon
3 c unbleached flour
1 1/2 t yeast

My machine calls for the above order. Run dough cycle. When dough cycle ends, pull dough from machine, knead lightly, and let dough rest for 10 minutes. Roll out for cinnamon rolls -OR- cut dough into 12 pieces. Shape each piece into a ball and place in greased baking dish. Cover and let rise until doubled or for about 35 minutes. Bake in preheated oven (350) for 20-25 minutes.

While still hot, mix together 1 c powdered sugar, 1/2 t vanilla, 1/2 t (or more) cinnamon, and 1 T milk to create a glaze. Pour or spread over hot rolls (or over cinnamon rolls). Mmmm-mmmm!

(These can have raisins added, but since my 2 guys don't like raisins, I left them out).

Holy Week

2009-04-12T20:22:00.000-07:00

“God doesn't give you the people you want, He gives you the people you NEED - To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be.”

So many times throughout this past week, I’ve been reminded of my own faults, flaws, sins…all that which I am so tempted to point out in others. It is easy to judge, to think that I have a little more figured out than those around me. But as I’ve looked towards the Cross…pondering His death, it is clear that He died for me and my sins, just as for those of the world around me. He gently reminds me that I’m not perfect after all; that I see with human eyes, and I see outward appearances (I’m not referring to physical attributes of a person, but rather, “the way things appear” circumstantially). I have only “my” side when I view people and situations. I cannot see their hearts, I cannot see their lives. And I have not walked a mile in their shoes.

I hate being judged, and there have been many times that others have judged me. I have felt it, seen it, heard it. So it seems that I would be slow to judge others. To my dismay, this is not always the case! And so I need a Savior as badly as anyone…I need forgiveness, grace. I need The Cross.

And then, there are times I need a paradigm shift. There are times I need to see with the eyes of Jesus. There are times I need to realize that maybe I am the one who is flawed, and not always those around me! Holy Week, leading up to Easter, is a perfect time to reflect on these things. To seek forgiveness from Our Father, and reconcile with one another, and with The Cross. It is a good time to ask Jesus for His mercy, His compassion, and for His eyes to see with.

Saint Patrick's Day

2009-03-17T20:26:00.001-07:00

Saint Patrick’s Day napkins…I forgot to set them out on our table. Fortunately, they will be used throughout Spring and Summer! As I read the book Saint Patrick: Patron Saint of Ireland by Tomie dePaola, the children enjoyed Irish Soda Bread, St Patrick’s Day Punch, cheese squares, and apple slices. Later on, we added Pistachio Green Fluff (as we call it!) to our dinner menu, and enjoyed St Patrick’s Day cupcakes. The kids really enjoyed “celebrating” (and wearing green!) and I hope to keep a closer eye on opportunities to create special days throughout the year.

We skipped school today, although my oldest two had their violin lessons. Our local schools are on Spring Break, but we are not officially taking time off, so I figured we could skip today. I hope to be finished with our Spring term so that we can take the month of May off, before beginning our Summer term. (We school year round for maximum flexibility). We’ve had gorgeous weather the last couple of days--70s--and so we’ve spent our afternoons outdoors, well into the evenings. Tomorrow may be fairly nice, but cooler temps are on the way for the remainder of our week.

My husband hasn't been home with us the last couple of evenings; I'm looking forward to the weekend, and having him around again!

Sabbath, part 3

2009-03-06T20:54:00.000-08:00

Final thoughts on the Sabbath…as I've finished up the book Sabbath Keeping by Lynne Baab. I respond partially to questions she asks at the end of each chapter, to encourage reflection throughout her book.

Some activities which would keep my Sabbath restful could include reading to my kids, reading alone, watching NASCAR with my son/kids, playing outdoors, going to the park with kids…journaling, drawing, sewing, baking…these are all relaxing for me and they encourage gratitude in my heart when I have time to indulge in them. Or in this case, when I make time! These activities often allow my thoughts time to rest on God and His greatness, His mercy, His grace in my life...even as I watch my children laugh and play, I am blessed by their health, by their joy, by my love for them.

In order to prepare for our Sabbath, and to keep it restful for me, I need to have laundry caught up (mostly, at least)…I need to have meal prep started for the Sabbath Day so that there’s minimal kitchen work…and I need to mentally prepare for it by silencing those “to-do” lists that run nonstop inside my head. By starting at sundown, my mind has time to "shift" from the busyness of daily life, to a day of rest. Then, when our Sabbath ends, at sundown the next day, I can have an hour or so that evening to begin preparing for our usual routines to begin again; look over school plans, start a load of laundry...and so on.

I am mulling over possibilities for easy menus; that is, meals I can make on the Sabbath, and also meals that essentially “make themselves” (crockpot and so on)…or, plan out leftovers to have, freezer meals on hand, whatever will work for my family. I enjoy kitchen time, but at a leisurely pace--not--the “everyone-is-home-from-church-and-starving pace. J I need to write and print a list for Sabbath meals, so that I can more easily plan ahead and shop ahead when possible.

I also appreciate the suggestion of lighting a Sabbath candle; will have to think over this. I keep a candle on the table, and we light it for dinner, so I’m not sure how effective it would be for a “separate” candle to be lit on Sabbath--but, perhaps simply leaving a candle lit all afternoon? I love having a tablecloth on our table, too, but we use the table for school daily, so the cloth is inconvenient. Today, I put the cloth on after school (this is Friday) and I plan to keep it on through our weekend, removing it for Monday morning. This signifies a break from school for the weekend, and gives our table a more distinctive appearance for Sabbath.

Lynne Baab asks the question, in her book “Have you ever looked for animal footprints in the woods and tried to follow them?” She goes on to explain that it takes concentration to do it, and uses this illustration to further explain our need for Sabbath. She says “Our lives will be immeasurably richer if we notice God’s footprints in our lives, his fingerprints all over the events of our days. All this noticing takes time.”

I loved that illustration! I used to blog a “thankful Thursday” every week. It became ingrained in me to be looking for things big and small to be grateful for; to find graces in my every day and in special times; to watch for God’s mercy every Thursday. I miss the discipline of my thankful posts and perhaps will return to that at some point. But the habit of gratitude, hasn’t left me; it is weaker sometimes, yet still there. I believe an attitude of thankfulness is important as we go about our daily lives; remembering *not* to take for granted all that we’ve been given, our way of life, our families, and of course, God’s provision in our lives. Sabbath offers a day to reflect on these very things, if we choose to keep the day holy and set apart.

Sabbath, part 2

2009-03-02T15:04:00.000-08:00

In considering the Sabbath, and ways for our family to observe it, I have to think over our daily activities. I spend many “moments” checking email, or looking something up online (often school-related)…connecting with the outside world on Facebook. :) I spend other moments doing laundry, which of course, never ends. Picking up toys, de-cluttering tabletops, preparing food. There are bits of reading time tucked here and there throughout the day, both to myself, and, to my youngest girls. Supervising schoolwork throughout our days, as necessary.

Obviously, my Sabbath would include a break from laundry and school! Realistically, I could not entirely break from meal preparations. And that is OK with me; I actually do enjoy cooking. If I plan properly, we can eat simple meals (even sandwiches), or I can use the crockpot and so on.
Reading is a healthy activity for all of us. Often, during the week, pressure to “do” overcomes my ability to “be”. I would like to spend more time reading with my children; especially my son, who doesn’t read well yet on his own, and my little girls. (My oldest is a bookworm!). Perhaps, a Sabbath rest from the “to-do” list would offer time to relax and read or play with my kids. Without the distraction of “all that I should be doing” on my mind.

I must look seriously at computer time. It, too, is a relaxing activity for me. I particularly enjoy blogging when time permits. Yet, some days, I fear my children see my laptop open too often. True, it is often legitimate “work” I’m doing; not just idle net-surfing…but I think it would be good for me (and for them) to have a day in which I do not use my laptop. A day in which my children see me give up something, in order to benefit from the sacrifice. And not only for personal benefit, but to rest my mind from “checking” email, or “checking” an amazon order, or “researching” next week’s lessons…or reserving library books online…or updating a FB status…just rest.

Here’s honesty: my children see my laptop open more than they see my Bible open. In addition to fasting from the computer on the Sabbath, I’d like my mornings to begin with reading God’s word. I often start my day with a cup of tea, and my laptop…I may be nursing or feeding my youngest, or I may be directing some schoolwork. I think it would be better for me AND my kids, if I focus on opening the Bible with my cup of tea. Even if I squeeze in only a few verses, before the inevitable interruptions. My actions are not consistent with my words, when I tell my children that God matters most. I have thought about asking the children what they believe matters most to Mom. But I cringe at the possible answers. And I know it may be difficult to make these changes…but we live only once. I have one chance to train my precious children, to set an example for them. Just ONE. It needs to count.

The season of Lent may be a perfect time to restore a sense of discipline to my heart, my life, my mornings. It is also the perfect time to restore consistency of our evening Family Worship Time. It is tough to have a productive Scripture reading with a 1-yr-old and a 3-yr-old; both are wearing down, are cranky, etc. How do we keep them quiet so we can have meaningful discussion with our older two? This, sadly, has kept us from consistency. Yet what matters is not always content, but that we *do have* family worship time. The children love to sing songs, to hear short Bible readings, to talk and pray together. It’s OK if there’s noise or distraction…if it doesn’t always go as planned…if the discussion is short. Our children need to *see* what matters most, as much as they *hear* what matters most.

The Sabbath

2009-02-27T20:08:00.000-08:00

I am reading a book entitled Sabbath Keeping; Finding Freedom in the Rhythms of Rest by Lynne Baab. It is a relatively short book, but interestingly written. I hope to find inspiration for observing Sabbath in our lives and home. Sure, we already have “Sundays”…but sometimes, Sundays offer harried mornings as we get ourselves and 4 kids ready for church. We have responsibilities to do at church, and then we rush home with hungry children. I’ve made some strides towards observance, in that, we are generally eating at home now, around our own table. We try to keep the day restful and free of errand-running. Sunday evenings have become a sort of “date night” for my husband and I, as we put children to bed and relax with a favorite hour-long crime drama on TV. Sometimes, we order take-out, just for us. Other times, we pop popcorn to munch on. Yet, we do not enter the week as recharged as I wish…I often find myself doing laundry Sunday afternoons, for instance. My husband’s work schedule requires that he work one Sunday a month as well, and his weekly schedule varies every week. So we must be creative when finding a Sabbath Day (and by that, I mean, a day or rest) whenever it may be.

As a child, I looked forward to church every week, but did not enjoy Sunday afternoon naps. The house was “too” quiet. Sunday night church did not generally include children’s classes, and so I often wished I could simply stay home. Simply put, I never cared much for Sundays. Sometimes, my Dad went into work…it seemed he worked 7 days a week, and so I wondered what the point of observing the Ten Commandments was, when we could pick and choose which ones to keep! As a young wife, I hated Sundays because I quickly grew tired of the routine we feel into; we did not choose a church together, initially, but rather attended the church my husband grew up in. This caused great strain over time, because we needed to break free and cut apron strings, so to speak. Eventually we did, and Sundays became a day I looked forward to! Sometimes, the day was dull, but it was generally restful, at least. I wish that I had worked more fervently at creating a Sabbath in our home BEFORE we added 4 children to the mix!

When visiting the rural community my Grandma lived in, I always loved attending her small, country church. Many of its members were family, which was fun…and we were given fruity cereal in Dixie cups, for snack time in Sunday School. I didn’t enjoy listening to the sermon, but Grandma often had gum in her purse and that helped for awhile. After church, we would run and play in the church yard, and many times, there would be a covered dish lunch to enjoy. Those farm ladies sure knew how to cook! Those lunches carried special memories over the years, affecting my senses, as I grew. The many wonderful tastes, the smells of food in that multi-purpose room, the sounds of ladies working together in the kitchen, of laughing, the murmur of voices mingled together in various conversations. The sight of long tables set side by side, and filled with church members and family members, all gathering to share a meal. Even today, I appreciate the tiny congregation we worship with, partly because, we have a monthly meal together. An old-fashioned covered-dish lunch! It is that nostalgic feeling I wish to preserve, not only on that 3rd Sunday for the shared meal, but also for each Sunday, when our family gathers around our own table in our home.

The obstacles to creating a Sabbath will be simply “choosing” a time for our family, and deciding “what” Sabbath means to us. What will we do--or not do? How will I prepare for a day of rest, while managing all my other responsibilities in the home? How will I rest when those responsibilities continue, even on our Sabbath? Yet, even as I mull these questions, I recognize the need for rest in the rhythm of our life. We do not live a harried life, rushing here and there, to and from activities. We eat as a family regularly, although there are hectic periods at my husband’s employment, which do not allow the relaxed evenings we both prefer. Still, we need (I need) a day of rest. I need a day not to do laundry, and to do minimal kitchen work. We need a day to recharge, a day to set aside for our family, our children. Time to read or play, that we, as parents, are not pulled elsewhere. Difficult though, because in one sense, it is those very things that we may need a rest from! As a home schooling Mom, I am with my children all day every day. But, on the Sabbath, I’d like that presence to be different. To be lighter, to enjoy my kids rather than barking orders, or managing time, overseeing studies, etc. I read this book to develop my own ideas, but also to draw inspiration from the author’s ideas and experiences, as we work to create a Sabbath Day to keep in our home.

I hope to create stronger family bonds through observing a Sabbath, and I hope to teach my children this concept of weekly rest, as they grow. I hope to build in a weekly time of simply enjoying one another, free from the constraints of time, deadlines, work, and so on, that the weekly routine holds.

Place Theory--and not the musical kind

2009-02-25T10:14:00.000-08:00

Heavenly. A cup of Dark Chocolate Peanut M&Ms. Must be the most amazing candy ever invented. I love M&Ms. Who doesn't? I wish I could be more original. And, ohhhh, a cup of Earl Gray tea. Iced, this time. Had it hot this morning. I use good quality, whole leaves and so it can be re-infused a 2nd time. :)

So back to place theory; I have recently begun reading a (yet another!) book. This one is entitled For the Family's Sake (The Value of Home in Everyone's Life) by Susan Schaeffer Macaulay. Susan is the daughter of Francis and Edith Schaeffer of "L'Abri Fellowship" in Switzerland.

In building her case for home, and the need of such a place, (whether married, single, with children or without and so on), Susan speaks of the transient life resulting from merely "living together" (for a couple) as opposed to marrying. She states that without an initial commitment (marriage), the outcome of a couple's future remains uncertain and therefore, there cannot be lasting stability. Hmmmm, might explain the sad state of so many broken homes and "lost" children in America today.

One of my favorite quotes about home, is by Ellis Peters, and repeated by Susan in her book. "This is where I put my feet up and thank God" (referring, of course, to home). Ellis was single her entire life and dearly enjoyed travel, but referred to the exotic and delightful cities she visited as "...Sunday treats to be visited, marveled at, enjoyed, and remembered...graces to ornament and vary the basic stability of a weekday life...". A brilliant perspective and a good case for "home" base necessity, even for those who love to travel!

Susan makes the case for "home" being more than a geographical place, but also that they should be "part of a community". The Norman Rockwell life, so to speak. Community offers belonging; it offers security and fellowship. Contrast that, to the life of a refugee, who is geographically displaced, but often displaced from community as well. As I read, my thoughts wandered to the lives and community of early Christians. Perhaps this was a reason that the early Church was to be as brothers and sisters in Christ; as one Body; a Community together. They may have been geographically displaced, or at times, separated, yet to remain ONE BODY regardless offered belonging, and community. That would be another entire study on its own, but clearly, our Creator knew our need for Community, just as He knew our need for Home.

We have that same need today, yet it seems that perhaps few churches offer community in its truest sense. It would be increasingly difficult to maintain community in a mega church; but even outside of that, even in the context of a smaller church, we must look at our lives. Are we intertwined with other Believers? Do we have unity and fellowship with them? Depend on them and they on us? Or are we merely Sunday morning spectators? Then, we leave the building free to live and pursue our "own" lives.

Finally, within the first few chapters, Susan also reminds us that in order to be rooted and bear fruit, we must accept limitations. In choosing stability, we may relinquish other choices. We must commit to "home". To "here I stay". We will have failures and setbacks; we must choose to stay. Of course, ultimately, we must choose to stay grounded first and foremost, in Jesus. He must be the foundation for our family tree; the foundation for our home. In times of weakness, we can call on Him and He will be our strength, our refuge.

2009-02-23T21:45:00.000-08:00

Periodically, I review our homeschooling materials and look over new options, to determine what will best fit our home and family. New stages in life bring about necessary changes! We aren't at a "new" stage per se, except that our once-newborn-baby-girl is now toddling around, chasing after her *big* sister (age 3), who in turn spends her day trying to be included with big brother (7) and big sister (10) activities!

We are following a schedule of chronological World History, on a rotation basis. This means that history is broken into time periods and we go through each period, then start over and do each one again. Basically, each child, then, will learn about each period a few times, age-appropriately, throughout schooling years. Our "spine" has always been books...books...and more books! And this has worked for us, adding in various Language Arts materials, using Math-U-See, and using various books and field guides for Nature Study (science) as well. But it is time-consuming to write my own lesson plans, and I'm not able to faithfully keep up on this. My oldest is heading towards middle school age, and I need to challenge her a bit more.

Enter "My Father's World"! I love their educational philosophy, and I've used many of their recommended resources over the years. Now it's time to purchase their teacher's manual and have those plans written for me. :) The company favors a Charlotte Mason education (living booksnarration, dictation, and so on) with a Christian worldview and they've written lessons with an emphasis on History, which uses a 5-year-rotation plan to chronologically study it. And lots of booksWhoo-hoooo! AND, I can have all my children studying Science, History/Geography, Bible together, adding individual Math and Language Arts.

I'm looking forward to starting this right away. We are jumping into their rotating cycle, right at the time period we're currently ready for (Ancient Rome). As soon as my materials/books arrive, we'll be set. I have a few additional supplies to pick up locally as well. It will offer me relief from the ever present burden of planning and/or not planning, so that I can just open my manual and GO. Freeing up my time and my brain for other aspects of my job; like laundry. And cooking. And menu planning. And being Mom. And sewing. And housework. Etc.

I ordered from Amazon and from Rainbow Resource Center to help my budget, when ordering the suggested books. MFW offers a package deal, but we already own some of the books, so it was better for us to order our needed resources separately.

We school year-round, which offers great flexibility for illness, for zoo days (or enjoying time at the park!), for errand days...for the life which inevitably happens when we school at home. We also have been taking off the months of May and December the past couple of years. I'm not certain if we will do that, or take off a week here and there throughout the year instead. Either way, we have some time to breathe. If we followed the public school scheduling, we'd really lose traction over the Summer, and it would be difficult to start back up and retain what we're learning. As well, I love having the freedom to enjoy beautiful days in the Spring, while everyone else is still IN school. And then in the heat of Summer, when we're indoors avoiding humidity and mosquitoes, we might as well be doing school...to free up some time for those gorgeous Fall days that will be coming when everyone else goes BACK to school!

I am so thankful to have many choices in our schooling materials, and even more grateful to God's faithfulness in leading me to options that work for my family, when I seek His guidance for our homeschool. Answers to prayer!

Tea with Anne

2009-02-15T20:53:00.000-08:00

"No, indeed! The rosebud tea set! Well, what next? You know I never use that except for the minister or the Aids. You'll put down the old brown tea set. But you can open the little yellow crock of cherry preserves. It's time it was being used anyhow--I believe it's beginning to work. And you can cut some fruit cake and have some of the cookies and snaps."

"I can just imagine myself sitting down at the head of the table and pouring out the tea," said Anne, shutting her eyes ecstatically. "And asking Diana if she takes sugar! I know she doesn't but of course I'll ask her just as if I didn't know. And then pressing her to take another piece of fruit cake and another helping of preserves. Oh, Marilla, it's a wonderful sensation just to think of it. Can I take her into the spare room to lay off her hat when she comes? And then into the parlor to sit?" ~from "Anne of Green Gables" by L.M. Montgomery

Can you imagine a time when “tea” mattered? When company was celebrated? A time when cupboards were accented with treasured preserves, cakes, and cookies, just waiting for tea with a special guest. I would love to visit “that time”. A place of beauty to be cherished, of joy in the simple moments, of life slow enough to stop for tea time…and Anne would be just the person to have tea with! Green Gables, just the place!

My oldest daughter is 10, and nearly old enough to enjoy the entire series of Anne books; my much-loved and oft-read paperbacks are waiting in a box; I look forward to passing them down. It is my hope that the magical stories so beautifully composed, will inspire imagination and a sense of “that time and place” for my daughter when she reads them one day.

I don’t live on Prince Edward Island…I don’t have a breathtaking farm like Green Gables. But I do have a tea set with roses on it! And I try to keep something freshly baked on hand, “just in case”. I have cherry preserves in the pantry, too! I believe it’s worth some effort, when possible, to be ready for impromptu tea parties with company. Anyone coming for tea? But when no one rings the bell, it is just as worthwhile to set the table with my beloved children and show them that, despite my impatience, my tone of voice, and whatever-else-I-might-have-failed-at-today…I love them, and they are worth taking time for tea and even using the fine china tea set.

Maybe that’s what I’ll do tomorrow, to brighten up our Monday. Make scones…and have tea.

Community online comes together for Cora!

2009-02-14T06:53:00.000-08:00

If Cora McClenahan's story has touched you, consider helping build a memorial playground in her honor; you can donate directly--or--SHOP AT ETSY!! Lots of darling things so generously contributed by the Etsy community. Just click on the sidebar button.

If you want to support Cora's family by adding a button to your blog, go here. Believe me, if I can add the widget, so can you! :D

Please keep this sweet family in your prayers....

I am so amazed at the response the online community--bloggers and Etsy shopkeepers--have had for Cora's family. Even the number of comments on their blog shows a multitude of prayers supporting them right now, and carries a few other tragic stories that brave Mamas shared, in an effort to bond with Cora's Mama during this time. It truly is an example of "bearing one another's burdens" and of lifting our brothers and sisters in the Lord up...this is what the Church should be about. Love.

2009-02-13T16:07:00.000-08:00

"But the angel said to her 'Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God.'" Luke 1:30

Wow. What an amazing statement...who among us, wouldn't like to find favor with God? Yet, what did that favor bestow upon her? She carried, birthed, nursed, and loved Our Savior, Jesus the Christ. Those were the good years, full of special memories, undoubtedly. In fact, after the visit from the shepherds and angels following Jesus' birth, Luke 2:19 tells us that "Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart." She didn't make a scrapbook full of pretty papers and stickers and photographs, as so many of us do today...but you can bet she had a scrapbook in her heart.

I wonder, though, how special and favored Mary felt, years later, as she watched crowds love and accept Jesus, and then turn on him? As Jewish leaders ridiculed him? And then, finally, as she watched her precious son--whom she had cradled in her arms, followed around as a toddler, and proudly watched as he grew--be crucified...a horrible, vicious death? How many of us would desire that end for our children? How many of us could stand by and watch our children tortured in such a manner? See him or her betrayed, sold, and killed for that which has not yet been fulfilled? Talk about faith! I remember the scenes in Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ" movie, in which Mary weeps silently, watching her son and her Lord be crucified...then she mops up his precious blood...and followed the crowds to where he hung, uncovered and alone, on a Cross. At that moment, I realized what it meant, for Mary to have found favor in God's eyes.

Yet now, a couple thousand years later, Mary is praised often, for her service to God. For being the blessed Mother of Jesus. Her willingness to be used of God required an immense sacrifice, and through that sacrifice, God saved all of mankind. We are redeemed by Jesus' blood; blood that flowed from her veins to Our Christ's. But it was, for all its glory, a harsh reality for a Mother to face.

I wonder, what would I do, if God required such a sacrifice of me? How favored would I feel? Now, in a moment when my world is right, it is easy to say that I desire to be used for His glory. Sure...that whole eternal perspective thing. Whatever God desires. Because, after all, I am His. All that He has given me, is His. My husband, my children. But then, I am a Mother. I have a Mother's heart. Could I give up one of my precious children? Or all of them, as some have, for the sake of bringing glory to God?

It is easy to desire glory for God, when all is well. But can it be well with my soul, in the midst of a storm? In the darkness that has no light? I watch, in total amazement and admiration, as others are forced to choose Christ, even when He finds favor with them, and thereby chooses to use them for His glory...and that often calls for a great, great sacrifice. Pain I can't imagine. They are living through such a trial right now. I pray I would have such courage, in the midst of such tragedy....

My Grandmother Black used to tell my mother, growing up, that God gives us our ticket when it's time to ride the train. My Mother taught the phrase to me, and the hard way, I learned its meaning time and time again. We do not have the grace to walk where others walk...God gives us the grace to walk the path He sets before us. And He gives us that grace when we need it, and not before. I can look at tragedy and think "I couldn't live through that..." and maybe I couldn't. But if God calls me to, then I must walk in faith and accept the grace He gives me, when He gives it to me, so that I will be found faithful.

Some things make no sense, they have no answers this side of heaven. But we do not see the future, and we do not know the reasons for God's choices. We do not see what He sees. It is great peace, then, to know and trust the One who can indeed see the past, present, and future. He alone knows what will bring glory to His Name, and what will be best for us. These lessons sometimes come at a great price. As does His favor. Yet for He Who has given all, what else could we do? For He Who owns all, what else could we give, but ourselves and our lives?

Please keep praying for the McClenahan's. And for their close friends and family; this loss of little Cora is felt keenly by all, and she leaves a hole in the lives of all who knew and loved her, in addition to her own young parents. Even now, days later, this family and their great ache remains on my heart and in my prayers. It is unforgettable, this story. And it happens to many, across the country, I know. Precious babies in Heaven.

On my mind this week

2009-02-12T13:02:00.001-08:00

Sometimes, my weeks get reaaalllllllllly long. Usually this happens when my husband is working longer-than-usual hours :) We homeschool, and simply being at home, all day, with 4 children, can get challenging. As if the housework, laundry, cooking, and school weren't enough, there is the individual personalities, the behavior issues that pop up, the attitudes needing checked, the chores to supervise...and that's just when everyone has slept reasonably well...the normal stuff!

I find that I regularly pray for more patience because I know I need it. More than ever! I desire to be a Mom who can remain in control when situations feel out-of-control. I desire to keep an atmosphere of peace in our home, a place where we can be nourished physically, mentally, and spiritually. The last year and a half or so, has brought our family some new challenges as children change and grow and mature, and, the addition of our precious baby, now one. Also a change of direction (and therefore, a new company) for my husband's career, and adding our son to the homeschooling roster.

And then I read about Cora, here: http://themcclenahans.blogspot.com. My only connection, is that her Grandfather was a favorite teacher and I graduated from the same high school as Cora's Dad (but many years prior!). It's a small, Christian, rural high school, located in a tiny town, kind out in the middle of nowhere. Many families have multiple generations who attend there, and there's a camaraderie among alumni. So, anyway, Cora's story touched my heart deeply. As a Mother, how could I not be touched? To read about an 11-month-old who goes to the Doctor for an ear infection, but instead, stage 4 neuroblastoma (cancer) is discovered. And about 2 weeks later, after multiple surgeries she bravely battled, her fight on earth is over. She is now cancer free, but in Heaven. What a hole she must leave in her young parents' life and home! Cora was a beautifuly, chubby baby, on the verge of her 1st birthday...her smile is contagious, her eyes sparkly...I have no doubt that this baby lit up her little world. There are no words of wisdom, no comfort I can offer...but this story has kept me in prayer throughout my days lately. Even now, I pray for her grieving family, marveling at their unshaken faith in our Lord, even in such a tragic trial. I pray that God will restore to them the joy that only He can give...I pray that God surrounds them with His own presence, and that of friends who will carry them through these dark days.

And I pray for our home. I pray that I can be the Mother He desires me to be. I thank Him for the health He has thus-far blessed us with. I hold my baby, only 3 months older than little Cora, and I thank God that she is here. I kiss her again and again, I watch her toddle around, cheering her on, and painfully aware of the blessing such moments are. For somewhere, not too far away, a mother is now longing for such simple moments.

While we must live our lives, while my life moves on...I pray that I will remember life is sacred. Life is precious. These moments cannot be taken for granted; we do not know at what point they will end. Baby Cora's first Christmas was also her last...and yet no one would ever have guessed. She won't walk here on earth, she won't celebrate her first birthday with her parents. Sometimes, a life ends with a suddeness that takes my breath away. I am thankful she is in Heaven with Jesus, hopefully playing with other children, their innocence eternally preserved. I am certain that angels hold her hands...sometimes handing her to Mothers or Grandmothers who have also left behind that which they held dear on earth.

I ache for a young Mother I've never met. I pray for their home, now unbearably quiet. And I treasure my daily moments a little bit more. I hold my baby a little bit tighter. And I thank God a few more times.

Tables

2009-01-15T21:49:00.000-08:00

Tables. I love tables. Living takes place at tables. We gather at a table to eat, to nourish our bodies and our spirits (except for those dinner hours in which a 3-year-old attempts to climb on the table, or say, the ones in which a 1-year-old throws food from her high chair perch…these do not nourish spirits very well at all!). We sit at the table with our laptops. Perhaps with pen and paper. We journal, write letters or type emails, spend time in Bible study…we play games, celebrate holidays, light Advent candles. Much happens at the table. My daughter (10) draws endlessly, and creates stories…at the table. Another daughter (the afore-mentioned 3-year-old) brings her collection of tiny toys to the table to play. My son (7) drives his cars across the table (which accounts for the scratches and tiny dents from the car crashes). My almost-toddling 1-year-old reaches as high as she can, to hold the table edge as she walks along…or, she strains to reach some prize she has spied, and to pull it off its tabletop perch. From my table, I plan our menus, plan our days, plan our school. Some mornings, after a particularly sleepless night, I sit and sip tea, begging my body to wake fully; I may deeply desire sleep, yet I must begin our day instead. And it begins here, at the table.

We still own “our first table”. Actually, it was *my* first table; purchased for my first apartment. An antique oak table. It had been refinished when I bought it, but its surface is now fairly marred from many meals, many playtimes, many…many…many-everything-we-do-at-the-table activities. I still love it though. It is almost square when closed, but includes 2 leaves which lengthen it considerably. This does me little good, for I only have the 4 chairs it came with! I remember setting this table with the linens we received at our wedding. Arranging silk flowers in a crystal vase, for the table’s centerpiece. Setting the table with our wedding china, on our first few Anniversaries.

Then babies began to arrive, and we were ever-thankful! Along with them, another 2nd-hand table, this one with 6 chairs, and a more sturdy center! But that center is quickly falling victim to the “living” as well. And so our first table went to the garage for awhile. It appeared again, in the playroom, awhile back, which hastened some minor destruction to its surface. L And I recently decided that I should move it to a safer place. Yet I didn’t want to return it to storage. After all, can a house have too many tables? I think not!

I’ve noticed that in a room, it is easy to gather at the table. A place for your drink, your elbows, your paperwork, your toys, your snack, your game…and in our home, the table is frequently used. We are outgrowing our house, but moving is not an option, and so we must look at our space and our family, and make the space work for us, for the way we live. As I've watched our family, I noticed, we use tables! I could almost set a goal of having a table in every room.

So anyway, my children were systematically destroying that beloved “first table” I mentioned, because it was down in the playroom. Although I like having a table down there, I didn't like my favored table being destroyed! And, the room is small, and narrow...so I'll have to figure out something else. Our table now has a new space, and it is already well-received in that new place. In front of the living room windows, I placed this table. The afternoon sun pours across it’s surface; soon a bird feeder will be hanging just outside the window. I hope that our children can watch birds, sketch them, or simply learn about them, as they sit at this table. We have bird guides, bird sticker books, and Nature Journals. Just waiting for the opportunity to be used. A small basket of card games sits on the table, waiting to be played. Another basket holding our Art book and materials is nearby. Along with a vinyl tablecloth.

Sometimes a small change can breathe new life into a room. If you doubt this, simply add a table. And see what happens.

2008-12-02T07:26:00.001-08:00

Has it really been so long since I have written a blog post? Indeed, it has. I barely have time to check email...jump on Facebook for a moment, and glance through my Google Reader list to see if any blog titles are relevant. Within a few moments, a child needs me, a nursing baby needs me, laundry calls, dishes await, or it's time to make lunch or start dinner. Late at night, when my house is finally quiet, I'm too tired to type. Or I have those emails to return. Or a sleeping baby wakes. If I'm lucky, my husband and I have an hour or two we can spend together a couple evenings a week. So life overtakes blogging, as it should. Living must come before writing about living, right? Not to forget, homeschooling! And so, my blog waits for me...because life will not.

lessons from an amazon order

2008-08-01T12:18:00.000-07:00

I love Amazon. I really do. I get great deals, free shipping (I hold orders till I qualify), keep wish lists…and I like the 1-click ordering. Until today. I used 1-click, and discovered that this feature didn’t save my settings, and so, I didn’t get the “Super Saver Shipping” I qualified for. And now, of course, it’s too late as the orders have shipped. Hmmmm, I wondered how they were shipping SO FAST! Like, the same day I placed the orders!

Unhappily, I called them. Because, I’m a regular customer, and I don’t think I should be penalized for taking advantage of their convenient 1-click. Turns out, I have to go in and select the Saver shipping option each time I use 1-click. I probably won’t use that again! I selected Saver shipping last time, and forgot to do it this time--or--maybe I subconsciously assumed the settings were saved in my 1-click account options. Whatever the case, I’m having to shell out $10 for shipping. Ugh. But the guy credited my account $5, to make up for it. Technically, however misleading their site may be, it was still my fault, so, that was a nice gesture towards keeping me happy. :D

While I was on the phone, I was tempted to be nasty…to throw a good ol’ American fit, because, I knew that I’d get all the shipping knocked off, if I did. And to make matters worse, I could barely understand the gentleman I was speaking with--because--my call was shipped overseas. I was tempted to disgustedly ask for another person, a supervisor perhaps…have you been there? Felt that way? Because, I am angry that our customer service calls are shipped overseas. For Dell, for Avon, for Amazon, and countless other companies. So when the call began, I wasn’t very friendly. My voice had an edge to it; you know the one “Don’t mess with me because I’m not happy you are answering this call and you can barely speak English and I can’t understand you at all, and I’m not happy with the company you represent anyway…and…” Yeah, you get the idea.

But I realized something. First, he is doing his job; it isn’t his fault the companies ship our calls over there and give American jobs away. I understand why…unions, pay scales, benefits, the list goes on…but still, an American company ought to use American employees, right? Anyway…so, he was doing his job. Trying to speak English as best as he was able. And I was representing America. Do I want his view of Americans to be that we are snotty, rude, self-righteous, and demanding? If that is what he gets, when he answers American customer service calls, then that will be his view of Americans. We, as Americans, should still be respectful, and kind in our dealings with these foreigners. We may be the only Americans they “meet”, if only over the telephone.

Furthermore, in order to determine my order, he read through a few of my book titles. Guess what one of them was? Yep. “The Daily Life of Jesus.” If he thought for an instant, that I was a Christian, then I wouldn’t want to blow it. I don’t want to be rude while I am wearing Christ’s name. I would hate for the guy to think what I’ve often thought, which is “wow, what a way for a Christian to behave. (That person) gives us all a bad name!” Have you ever thought that?
So I calmed down, tried to respectfully ask him to repeat himself to me…thanked him for his time…wished him a nice day. But I regret that I didn’t start off the conversation with a kinder tone of voice. We never know what affect we have on others, but we need to remember the names we wear. Our name in Christ, our name as Americans, and our family name as well. These 3 affect us in our lifetime, but may have eternal significance as well…and certainly, they affect the generation of children we are raising in our homes. What will we leave to them, by leaving them our names--our legacy?

Might not be a bad idea to remember to speak more patiently with that “next generation I’m raising”…while I’m at it. And with the people I come into contact with in my daily interactions at local stores, restaurants, whatever the case. In fact, the same thought occurred to me last time I wore a T-shirt with our church name on it. I was representing our church as I wore it…what did my words and actions say?

Yep, something to think about.

The Song of our Day

2008-07-14T20:58:00.000-07:00

The day unfolds, a familiar rhythm begins with a slow but steady tempo. Make the beds, greet the children, begin the laundry, make a pot of tea, help children with the various bits and pieces which inevitably, arise as they work and play…the day is in full swing. The rhythm is comforting, soothing. I am thankful that there’s no “out-the-door” rush in our home. Rarely, in fact! We make choices to avoid this and ask God for His grace to cover the times which we cannot avoid it. Home is where we work, play, coexist, learn, relax, and love. These thoughts play in my mind this morning, as I continue with the small tasks which begin today’s song. I check my daughter’s progress in her room cleaning, put away the scraps of this and that which I find lying here and there. I place outgoing mail (a finished Netflix) on the mailbox, and enjoy the coolness of morning’s air. Although still a couple months away, the air has Autumn’s crisp notes and I sigh, wishing Autumn’s song had already begun to play. Yet, I do not want to wish away the time, only the summer heat and pesky mosquitoes. The day’s rhythm slows when I sit down, and, for a few moments, open up my “pink” laptop. Just the sight of it makes me happy, for I love PINK. I sip my tea from the pink mug I chose to start my day with…today is a strong, black breakfast tea and as usual, a bit of milk has been added to temper tea’s acidity. I look forward to seeing my chubby baby this morning, but I find myself grateful too, for a few extra moments for housework, or, for sitting down.

Until now, when I hear her sweet baby voice cooing, an edge of concern in her voice. She is ready to become part of our music today! The rhythm picks up quickly, and I miss the slower tempo of my day’s first hour. More laundry, lunch, laundry again, nursing, baby’s cat nap, laundry, return phone calls, check email, schedule an appointment…I feel the acceleration. A few moments to mend on the sewing machine. Awake again, my baby rides contentedly on my hip as I move about the house.

The children play happily, my daughter telling stories to her younger brother. Imagination at it’s best! And at last, baby is down for her longer afternoon nap. My almost-3-year-old (who had dissolved into hysterical tears, a sure sign of tiredness!) fell asleep as well. The house is blessedly quiet and I make some tea, savoring both it and the slower tempo it restores. The last load of laundry for today is humming in the dryer. Dinner will be leftovers eaten amidst the rush between my husband coming home and the kids’ swim lessons. It is hot and humid outdoors, and so the water will bring refreshment this evening, as they splash about and (hopefully) learn to float--or slide--or swim!

Time to begin evening preparations before the little girls wake. Soon, the day’s tempo will increase until the comfortable rhythm of bedtime arrives. And so our days go in this way, their music beautiful to my ears, composing the song our life and home sings, measure by measure.

A little bit of life, a few links

2008-07-08T21:49:00.000-07:00

It started out simply enough. I logged onto my (pink Dell!!) laptop, just as I do most morning…sipping my cup of tea, savoring a few moments of quiet. (Before the baby wakes and after one quick argument between my other children…lol). Then I catch a glimpse of the “new recipes” from Simply Recipes RSS feed. Well here in Kansas, the typical Summer heat and humidity have set in full force, after a blessedly cool and rainy Spring. I don’t even like to step onto my porch to get my mail when it’s this humid and hot. (I’m a cool weather, rainy-day-lovin’ kind of gal; I really do NOT know what I’m doing, living in Kansas. But as my younger brother says… “it’s a black hole that sucks you in and you can’t escape it” --he’s referring to our hometown in Kansas, by the way. But I must admit, it’s a great place to raise a family, and that’s what I’m all about, so, here we are. In Kansas. Enduring the Summertime).
So anyway, I see a recipe for Homemade Limemade posted. Now who wouldn’t LOVE a drink like that when it’s hot outdoors? And let me tell ya, it was refreshing! I happened to have a bowl of key limes to use up, and I keep mint growing out back. Mmmmmmm. I will be buying another bag of limes just to make it!
And then, there was another recipe I hope to try as well. An Almond Berry Crumble to be exact. I wasn’t able to bake it today, but there’s always hope for tomorrow, right?
If you’re interested in “food” blogs, here is a favorite of mine: The Pioneer Woman. She’s a sassy writer, uses great bits of humor and lots of photos in her posts. And her recipes are goooooooood. I’ve already tried several. In fact, most days when Google Reader pops up a new post of hers, I end up dropping everything to try her latest recipe.
Food blogs keep me completely inspired to stay IN the kitchen and make all I can from scratch. There’s a plethora of recipes available on the web from more sources than I’ll ever be able to find! Currently, I’m on a kick to find phyllo dough recipes as I have several sheets left in an opened package to use up. And I’ve found some mouth-watering recipes to try! More sweet than savory, as usual. I do love the challenge of cooking meals which are healthier for our family, and at the same time, are tasty. The dessert is always the easy part!
Yeah, I realize it’s been simply AGES since I’ve posted on here. And even longer since I’ve done any commenting. I don’t even log into my email account which sends my subs and yahoo group subs. No time. I do, however, try to check in at my site and see what’s going on with ya’ll every week or so. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve actually started a new blog post, only to leave it half finished for so many days that I’m no longer interested in writing it!
But life moves on, and despite the heat, we are doing well. Vacation Bible School has come and gone for this summer (my kids LOVE it!), and now they’re taking swimming lessons (lovin’ that too). Then, no more big plans--just kicking back, staying cool, drinking limemade…you get the picture. Overall I notice diminished activity on several favorite blogs; I know I’m not the only one who remains busy at home. Our precious 4th child has really changed our time management! But she’s so worth it, as they all are.

Joining the movement

2008-05-06T13:57:00.001-07:00

Something has been on my mind for the past several months. Of course, I’m not the only one; after all, “Earth Day” has just recently passed, right? Yep, I’m talking about “Green Living”.

Now, I grew up on a farm; we had animals of various kinds, my Dad planted an annual garden (which we kids had to pick) and my Mom canned and canned. My Dad frequented auctions on weekends, and eventually acquired the equipment to plow his fields for a hobby of sorts, and maybe a bit of cash. (He had a career elsewhere). And so, the ideas of growing one’s own food, of storing food for the “coming shortage” are not new to me. Living in the country enabled us to burn our own trash, to recycle rainwater, and to compost.

But as an adult, all of this went out the window, as I live in the city, and, truth be known, I wasn’t interested. Until more recently. We have a home and a yard, but no garden (yet; I remain hopeful for the future, but I do not yet have time needed to devote to it!). I cannot keep typical farm animals (I’d love chickens, though). Over the last few months, though, I’ve come to realize that “green living” should not simply be a political soapbox; it is our responsibility to take care of God’s earth. We should be cautious as we use our natural resources, and take care not to be wasteful. We should be wise and frugal with our resources of time and money as well.

I will be sharing some of the baby steps I’ve taken later on, but for now, here are a couple of wonderful posts about the steps others have taken. Neither of these ladies are extreme; they simply started one day. With one thing. And then another. Both are farther along in their journeys towards green, sustainable living, than I am. And some ideas they have are not ideas I can implement. But these are worthy of consideration, and worthy of a few moments’ time....

down---to---earth: Revolution at the kitchen sink

Tea & Cookies: Making A Green Home

Freezer inventory

2008-02-26T13:39:00.001-08:00

Today I’ve been thinking about stocking up our freezer. I spent some time planning and stocking before our baby was born...but...it’s time to do it again! There were several occasions that I thought “Yea! I’m so glad I have _____ in the freezer!” It will be good to build an inventory back up a bit. Copperswife inspired me, as she recently wrote about restocking her freezer. And she offered a link to Filling My Freezer , a brand new blog, for additional hints and ideas. Yippeee!! Looks like I’m not on my own in this endeavor.

I started by juicing those lemons I mentioned a few days ago; for the lemon bars! Well, in addition to baking a square pan of lemon bars, I also measured out the proper amount for 2 more pans and froze these portions, labeled, for another day. The rest of the juice will be used to make lemon curd (oh, so nice with hot tea in the Spring!) and then the curd may also be frozen.

I already have cookie dough frozen in ziploc bags, then stored in a labeled container. Next will be organizing my deep freezer and my side-by-side freezer, so that I can inventory what I already have on hand, and add to my shopping list that which I need. THEN, it will be time to consider recipes and/or ingredients to have on hand, and begin to cook/bake accordingly.

Anyone else joining in on the freezer fun?

2008-01-30T14:55:00.000-08:00

The pictures are haunting; mostly taken from afar, rarely posed. He’s on a skateboard, a messenger bag tossed casually over his shoulder. Walking down the street pushing a stroller, sporting the “grunge” look. His baby girl smiling while riding on his shoulders. A couple of posed shots in which his arm is around the baby girl’s mother. Another with his hand linked through hers. They say he was friendly, down-to-earth, humble, polite, kind...on and on they go, speaking of him, sharing their stories, however insignificant. Offering a tribute. Sometimes, the words are spoken by someone famous, whose opinions matter in just the right circles.

Dead at 28, cause yet unknown, although an educated guess could easily be offered. He died alone, in what was reportedly an unfurnished luxury apartment. Except for a “shrine” to his little girl, who no longer lived with him. And he reportedly, couldn’t recover from that loss. Although the loss may have been his own doing. Rumors abound on both sides, yet the truth most likely lies somewhere in the middle. Still, he seemingly spoiled her when she visited, and adored her. He found meaning to life because of her, he once said in an interview.

A tragedy; one that hangs heavily in my mind. Simply because, this man’s eternity has begun already. Whatever it is, Heaven or Hell...it has begun. His chances in life, his time on earth, all over. Finished. Nothing more he can do. His days ran out, just as all of our days will run out. He can’t help his daughter, his girlfriend, or himself now. How tragic that a young life with so much promise is wiped out. Worse yet, if his eternity is not with His Creator. He was created for a purpose; did he accomplish it? And if not, what defense can he offer when he stands before God for eternity?

I have a daughter the same age as his little girl; how devastated she would be to lose her Daddy. How terrible it would be for me to explain it to her and to carry on without my husband. Yet, I have hope. I know where my husband would spend his eternity, and because of that, there is still joy. Devastating loss, but only for a time. And then eternal glory...he would be waiting for his family to join him.

But this young star? A bright promise of Hollywood...a good boy by their standards...where does he wait? And for what purpose? What did he accomplish outside of earthly wealth and stardom? What good were his 3 luxurious homes? His blossoming career? I don’t know. I didn’t know him. He spent his last months making a macabre movie; playing a part which, in all likelihood, contributed to his demise. Honored by those who worked with him, for the way he threw all of himself into the part...I have to wonder...was it worth it? For what? For the art of entertainment? For an award that might have been won? (Yet even if it is, he will not be here to claim it--how temporal are the things of earth!) And what will that bring in eternity? I imagine that his answers now, to these questions, are much different than his answers might have been when he walked among us on this old earth. And therein lies a grave reality. For he cannot change anything now.

His family appears to grieve deeply, as would my family, if we lost one of my younger brothers. A sad predicament, a tragedy that will repeat itself again and again in Hollywood. Who reaches these people who have it all? They ignore their eternity as they build homes and treasures and fame here on earth. Life on earth is but a vapor. They have it all; money, power, all anyone could want...and yet...it is for nothing. Meaningless. Even their work; largely without purpose, aside from entertainment. And where is the eternal value in entertainment?

A tragedy. For his daughter, for those who knew him and loved him. And for he, himself. He has run out of chances. He lived his last day on earth, alone, sleeping. He had no idea that he would never wake from that last slumber. And now he is in his eternity, whatever it is. His soul is forever at rest, or forever in agony.

A somber reminder to me. We never know when our last day will be. But what will we leave behind when that last day comes? Am I ready to meet my Maker? Could my eternity begin today? What would be said of me...empty praises or something of value? Without fame or fortune, I would be a mere sidenote in the obituaries. And yet, my concern is with my eternity; what have I done that will matter to Our Lord? Am I fulfilling His purpose for my life in every day that He gives me? I pray so...and resolve to try again tomorrow.

Teacups

2007-10-03T18:33:00.000-07:00

I was tagged by my dear fellow blogger (and friend!) TaunaLen, who has posted a couple of wonderful “8 random things” entries! Here’s a (less creatively written) post for my tag:

I love teacups. I have loved them for as long as I can remember. Especially those with delicately flowered patterns. When I was a young girl, I spend endless minutes gazing at the corner shelf in my Grandma’s living room. It was here, which she kept her collection of teacups. I rarely touched any of them, but oh, I loved their beautiful and wispy pastel patterns swirling across the cups and matching saucers...save for one brightly colored chintz! There was also a floral pattern of roses; deep and richly colored, with bits of leaves scattered among the roses. It was this pattern which inspired my wedding china collection. For this particular teacup and saucer that sat on my Grandmother’s shelf, was always my favorite. Made by Royal Doulton, it is called “Old Country Roses”. A classic pattern, straight from England, and likely to be around forever.

When my Grandmother died, I was too young to take precedence in dispersing her few belongings. So her beloved teacup collection (and mine too!) went to an Aunt, and subsequently, to a cousin. My cousin is a fellow tea-lover, so it isn’t entirely inappropriate—but—I still long for those teacups to reside in my own home, where I can admire them, and remember the dear lady who collected them. My cousin, is such by marriage, and therefore has little memory of my Grandma. But such is life, and such is the way of possessions. I imagine I will always grieve for that collection! In an effort to encourage me, my Aunt (mother-in-law of said cousin) purchased a lovely teacup and saucer one Christmas, and gave it to me. I cried when I opened it, for I knew her heart was to replace my “lost” teacups in the only way she knew how. And so, this first teacup, given in such love to me, began a new collection—mine.

I’ve added to my collection over the years—since before I married. Many are gifts; mostly newer teacups, given by those closest to me. I’ve scoured antique stores on my own, adding beautiful teacups to my collection. And once in awhile, I am given an antique teacup, by someone who knows me well enough to pick out a pattern I love! One particular cup was purchased for myself, by myself...but my husband gave me $20 one terribly depressing day, and sent me antique exploring. It was a difficult winter for me, and for us, and now when I see that cup and saucer (which happens to be a favorite!), I am reminded of his love. The cup and its saucer are white porcelain, and very delicate...the ring of roses around each piece, is faded in color, but still a lovely pastel pinkish hue. The set was made in Bavaria by well-known Zeh Scherzer Co. (often Bavarian china is incredibly patterned with the most beautiful of delicate flowers—typically roses!) Both pieces are edged in a thin scroll of gold, also faded, but not disappearing yet. It is unbelievable that the time away, along with the lovely cup, actually revived my spirits that day, but indeed, my heart was lifted. Although I picked it out alone, I still consider that teacup and saucer to be a gift, and one which will always be close to my heart.

I never choose teacups for the manufacturer, although I have come to love several particular makers...no, I choose them because I love them. Because I will cherish them, use them with care, and someday, Lord willing, pass them on to my daughters.

I love the quiet “clink” sound of teacups in use, as they are set upon their saucers. I love the curved handles, designed to be held by a lady. When I use a teacup (which was more often prior to having children running about!), I enjoy rinsing it with hot water to warm it, and then, once finished with as many cups of tea as I can hold, there is the simple ritual of hand-washing to preserve the patterns gracing the china. With luck, the saucer may be able to hold just a cookie or two for nibbling, as I sip from its matching cup.

These days, I often resort to a floral mug of some sort, because they hold a greater quantity of tea without refilling, and they are sturdier for the constant moving I seem to do, mug in hand. But my deepest preference for drinking tea continues to be the china teacup. And when I gaze at my collection, I am reminded of the story behind each one, and of the woman (my Grandma) who inspired my love for china teacups. I am filled with a quiet sense of peace, a satisfaction in knowing that if there was to be no other beauty in my life, these cups would suffice. Better than fresh roses on the table (as lovely and sweet-smelling as they are), are the roses which adorn my china teacups.

Life is a gift

2007-09-21T19:56:00.001-07:00

Today we attended the funeral for the church member who suddenly died last weekend, from a blood clot to the heart. His dear widow wept through the service; he was her life, and at 65, it will be difficult for her to start over. It was a fine service, officiated by my older brother, who has been mentioned in my blog numerous times. His first funeral to preside over. I’m sure it broke his heart to do it, but he spoke well, and spoke sincerely. He was there when this man was accepted Christ as Savior and was baptized, not all that long ago...was there when each of them had various illnesses requiring hospitalization...and was there when this man passed from this earth into his eternity.

It is a sobering thing, to attend a funeral. My first, in quite some time, that wasn’t for a relative. My last funeral was for my cousin (see tags in sidebar), gone now for almost 2 years. Unbelievably. Today, when I stepped beside the casket to view the man, all I could see was my cousin. They were close in age, both with graying beards and long lashes. I wasn’t able to look for more than a second today—tears came fast and unexpectedly, in the wake of my cousin’s memory. But even throughout the funeral, I found myself shedding tears; I realize that the man is better off now, with His Lord, away from the sorrows of earth. But the grief and shock he leaves behind; the emptiness his widow is feeling (although she will lean heavily on Our Lord), it is heart-wrenching, and difficult to understand. Why did it have to happen to this man, to his wife? She is a dear and sensitive lady, but her life has already been filled with pain and difficulty. Why couldn’t she have him at her side for the remainder of her years? It breaks my heart to see her alone, without him beside her, where he has always been since they joined our small Body. I guess these questions are the same we all ask...it is in these questions that the greatest pain of death lies. For even when we know our loved one is with Our Lord, we still grieve. But not for them, as much as for ourselves. We grieve our loss, we feel our emptiness, we miss our beloved one. We grieve for all they left behind; knowing deep inside, that what they go to is far greater. Death, just like life, is full of contradiction, isn’t it?

I remember Beverly's husband and children this week; and other family members who grieve for her. Another dear one whom we rejoice for, as she is at last, cancer-free; and with her Savior. Yet, she leaves behind a hole. A big one. Older children; one with a family, one starting college...and sons still at home, even young boys in elementary school. A loving husband, who is now, suddenly, thrust into single parenthood, and widowed, simultaneously. Another paradox; joy for her, but sorrow for those who carry on without her. I cannot wish her back, for truly, she is in a glorious eternity...but yet...I cannot wish her gone, for her family needs her still.

This week has been too full of death. Yet we all face it; none of us will escape it, until Our Lord returns. We do not know the moment we will meet with Him for eternity; every moment on earth is a gift. Life is a gift. Yet a greater gift lies beyond. Hard to imagine though; for we learn to dearly love what surrounds us here, even among such a tarnished earth; such a life filled with hardship and pain. We still find love, we find happiness, and if we will trust in Jesus, we find peace, hope, and lasting joy. And so we treasure this gift of life, and we fight to hold onto it. We fight to stay with those we love. And we grieve when the fight is lost by one of our own.

I am thankful this week, to still have those near and dear to me. I am thankful that while I ache for those who have lost loved ones, I am not one of them. Not this time. I am reminded to take every day as it comes. To look for moments of life’s joy, in the midst of struggles. To hug my children and be thankful for them, even in frustration! To hug my husband and be thankful for his life, his support, his presence with us. To remember that life is, indeed, a gift.

A bad day, but a good recipe!

2007-09-16T17:36:00.001-07:00

My husband worked at least 70 hours this week. So he’s pretty exhausted, and is back at work tonight. I can barely move, feel quite exhausted myself from this week, and am enjoying practice contractions. This morning, neither of us could move. Not that there’s actually a choice in the matter!! We did of course, have to get up and feed/care for the kids. I lacked energy to make tea; which is unfortunate, because my day went from bad to worse!

It all started this morning...we noticed a couple of little mealy worms on the kitchen floor. The kind that infests flour and such products. No big deal. Kill them and find the infestation...usually a bag of flour...get rid of it, and problem solved. I’ve only had one infestation before, years ago, in another home. It was awful, but after tossing some bags and boxes and spraying and cleaning the pantry cabinet, no more problems. And 2 little wormy creatures didn’t really equal an infestation anyway. But those couple worms turned into a LOT of them; they kept coming out. And we kept killing them. There wasn’t really a source...a nearly empty box of cornstarch perhaps...no flour sacks, no oatmeal boxes. Nothing else. Weird I thought...wonder where they came from and what is driving them to crawl into daylight? We spent all morning killing the little creatures, vacuuming, mopping every inch of vinyl flooring.... Finally, they are all gone. And my kitchen needed a good mop anyway :)

About the time we finally finished with the little wormy creatures, I noticed a puddle of water on the floor, in front of the cabinets. Kind of a big puddle. Another one was in front of the pantry closet in an adjoining laundry/bath. Hmmmmm. In fact, getting on my hands and knees, I noticed that the kick plates (trim boards under cabinets) were seeping water. Nothing under the sink though...and no leaking from the dishwasher. The floor of the pantry closet was wet though. Which meant only one thing. Somehow, somewhere, the shower (all tiled from floor to ceiling, and on the opposite side of the kitchen wall) had a leak. Either in the drain (and above the concrete slab foundation) or in the water supply lines. Not good. Not good at all. There was a lot of water continuing to seep into the kitchen, pantry, under wall trim and so forth. It made sense...the water had driven those nasty little worm creatures out. They were probably attracted to the dampness behind the walls...yes, that was most likely the source. Uh-oh. So we might have had water there for quite some time. Not. Good. Indeed, those little bugs turned out to be the least of our problems.

Just as we were busily mopping up water, my Mom called, then my Dad with some sad news. A member of our congregation, a man only around 50, died from 2 blood clots hitting his heart. The result of another recent injury. He leaves behind his 65-yr-old wife; though mismatched in age, the couple loved eachother dearly, took good care of one another, and lived simply and frugally. We were quite concerned for his dear wife, no doubt devastated by this sudden and tragic loss—but—holding up well under the circumstances. In the midst of our own mini-crisis, I am thankful that our crisis can be fixed (eventually) and cleaned up...her life has changed forever. A sobering thought.

We soaked up towels of water all day long, as water continued to seep under floor trim...this afternoon my Dad dropped by to have a look. My husband had to change clothes and leave for work. So my Dad (thankfully!) tore off some trim, pieces of wallboard (which was soft behind the trim—yikes!), and then cut a square of wall from the pantry closet which reveals the water supply lines for the shower. Bingo. Corrosion. The upside is, the shower shouldn’t need to be torn out, as it isn’t a drain issue and the pipes are now visible. I can also use the sink, dishwasher, washing machine, and toilet—just not the shower; that helps with convenience, as I have piles of laundry to do (as usual!), and now a pile of wet towels to wash and dry. The downside is, I have pinhole leaks in the supply line which are dripping water currently...my kitchen is a mess, my laundry/bath/pantry is disheveled...and we haven’t talked to a plumber yet, so we don’t know what kind of bill we’re looking at. And water is still seeping.

After a day like this, I am exhausted. I’ve missed the usual rest a Sunday brings, the time to enjoy one another, read to the kids and so forth. But I felt the necessity to make dinner for the little ones. Something worthwhile to fill their tummies before bed. And so, taking stock of what I had on hand, and with only a tiny bit of energy left, here is what I made. It turned out well and the kids loved it!

Spaghetti Frittata
8 eggs
8 oz pkg diced ham
1 ½ cups mozzarella cheese, shredded
About 2 cups leftover cooked spaghetti
Some green onions, chopped
Extra cheese for topping, if desired

Whisk eggs in bowl. Stir in ham, cheese, spaghetti, and onions. Pour into baking dish and sprinkle more cheese over the top. Pop it into the oven and bake for about 30 minutes at 350 degrees. Pull it out and enjoy! If you have a bit more spaghetti leftover, go ahead and toss it all into the mixture; if you have less, adjust the recipe. If you want to add mushrooms (I forgot mine!!) or another vegetable such as spinach, do that. You could also make it in a skillet if you’d rather, and cook till the eggs are set. I was too tired to stand by the stove tonight, so I baked mine.

A Week's Worth of Blessings

2007-09-08T21:03:00.000-07:00

Well, another week has come and gone...and a busy one around our home, it was! So, I completely missed my usual “Thankful Thursday” post, without even realizing it. Oops. But I must say, despite some normal difficulties encountered, the week did hold plenty to be thankful for. Today I will call them “Blessings”.

I’ve said this before, but we really do have a wonderful library system in our city, and I’m so thankful for this resource! I particularly enjoyed checking out a few books for myself this week.

A delightful new e-zine publication, Seasonal Delights, just in time to welcome in the season of Autumn. I enjoyed printing some of the lovely pages this week, which included new recipes to try!

My friend and “Japanese sister” (we go back to high school, when she came to America to complete her education) came by for a visit this week. She even brought me a Starbucks. What a way to start the day!!

Just a few days after praying about some of our family needs, another friend (also from high school!) brought over 3 bags of clothing for my children! Her 3 kids are each about 1-2 years ahead of mine (by age) and so their outgrown clothes work perfectly for my kids. Among the items is a winter coat for my youngest...winter coats for my older two were received several weeks ago as well. It is an amazing blessing to receive hand-me-downs, and it is a pleasure to turn around then, and pass our outgrown items to another family and keep the circle going.

My blood sugar levels have been relatively easy to maintain with this pregnancy; at least so far! I do try and be careful to keep my protein intake high and my carb intake lower, but it is truly a blessing to be somewhat relaxed about it. (I had gestational diabetes in my last pregnancy, and therefore have strong potential to develop it again).

I received the “Nice Matters” award from another blogging friend on xanga. If you haven’t met Karen, do drop by and say “hi” to her. She is raising a large family, but somehow makes it look easy and delightful. I’ve been inspired to relax and enjoy my growing family, through reading her blog for over a year now. Her compliments to me were so sweet and humbling, and it is truly a delight to be an encouragement to the other ladies I meet, or those who simply drop in to read my blog.

Another hour or so, and I will be finished going through my children’s clothing for the next season...this becomes a bigger job with each child, but is a necessary one, and I don’t mind doing it at all. It just takes some time and patience.

My eyelet-trimmed baby quilt is completed (a simple patchwork), along with a few other small sewing projects. If our digital camera was working, I’d take photos to post. I love to sew, and it is a joy to have time here and there to work on this hobby.

A fresh new week is just around the corner, and with it, will come a couple days of cooler temperatures, and the possibility for rain; which we really do need. Some fresh air will be wonderful and we might just have some perfect ‘outdoor’ days ahead!

My husband and my children are always cherished. Oh, we have our days, our moments...there are times I really feel the need to escape to the nearest Starbucks...but I am so thankful for each of them, and for this precious life I carry. She is becoming quite active and I love the frequent reminders of her presence, which come along with every roll and kick!

Thursday's Thankful List

2007-08-30T10:19:00.001-07:00

Another Thursday has come; time to consider all that which makes up my world and choose thankfulness in the midst of worries life brings. Today it is particularly challenging, for while there is no short of basic blessings; food, water, a home, a soft bed, showers, and so forth…it has still been an unusually trying week, with my husband’s schedule changes and various behavior issues we are working on in our little home. And I am so weary this week; from disturbed rest (late 2nd trimester changes, I’m sure!). We have completed only a bit of school today, but are taking a break to be outside.

This morning, my youngest (2) woke up at 5am. Yep, that’s right 5:00AM. Who knows why…but…she is still up. No nap yet, no rest…just energy. I’m thankful she isn’t whiny and crying as would typically be expected. She seems quite jovial today! But her Mama is tired and less jovial. My son was up at 6am, then our oldest at 7am. The older 2 needed a bit more rest I think, and so perhaps we will have early bedtimes tonight! And if I’m successful in this, then I will have another reason to be thankful! LOL.

I’m thankful to have completed a load of laundry, although I have much more to work on. J

I’m thankful that the weather has cooled, if only for today. There is still humidity in the air, and mosquitoes flying everywhere…but…we are enjoying a pleasant morning outdoors. Due to the heat, we haven’t been outside for morning playtime in awhile, so it’s good to have fresh air in our lungs and enjoy the sounds of nature. A cool breeze blows through every couple of minutes as well.

I’m thankful that the early signs of Fall are appearing (partly due to dryness, but appearing just the same!)…leaves are already falling from the trees, though not in great numbers yet. Our neighbor’s tree is slowly turning yellow, and the deep blue of the summertime sky is taking on a grayish hue reminiscent of cooler weather. The deep, dark green of our trees is fading every so slightly, in readiness for the changing colors ahead. And the coneflower has dried up now as well. Indeed, Fall is coming, slowly yet, but still on its way.

I’m thankful that my kids are healthy and (relatively) happy. I watch as they run about the yard, dig in the sandbox, and swing on our swingset. It may not last long, as inevitably a disagreement will erupt—but—for now, it is blissful to hear the sounds, and to see, even my youngest running around on her squatty toddler legs.

I’m thankful for the pumpkin patch my Dad planted, which we will enjoy in another month or two!

I’m thankful for the lovely little family celebration we had this week, for my baby’s 2nd birthday. Complete with my chocolate cake covered in chocolate frosting. Mmmmmmmmm.

I’m thankful to have my family; my children and my husband, however difficult this week is, and no matter how weary I become. I wouldn’t trade any of them, nor the little one growing inside me. Speaking of which, I am also grateful to feel her little kicks each day, as they grow stronger and stronger. A pleasant reminder of her existence in our lives.

2007-08-24T13:25:00.000-07:00

Today is a delightfully overcast; the winds are blowing gray clouds to cover the pale blue in our late summer sky. I can hear the delicate clanging of my wind chime as it sways from its perch. We had a brief shower of rain this morning, but not enough to soak our grass…so I am (of course) hoping for more before the day is over. Crunchy granola bakes in my oven this afternoon, filling our home with its honey-cinnamon scent. It will be a lovely snack, with golden raisins and dried cranberries added to it, once it has cooled. It is these simple things I am thankful for, this week. J

We are in a period of adjustment, as my husband has just changed work locations (inconveniently and more expensively—to the other side of town!). Along with this, comes a great deal of hours changes as well. Not all a bad thing, as he will likely work a few less hours per week—but—we will all be adjusting to the changes, as he will work most evening hours now. And his days off will vary from week to week, including the addition of Sunday hours to his new schedule (but not every Sunday, thankfully). So, our week has been filled with discussion of these changes, and I haven’t figured out my new routine yet, with him home each morning. School has been hit and miss I’m afraid, but we should begin working towards normalcy next week. Amidst the disruption, I am thankful that he has a job, when many do not.

I am thankful that our home is dry, and not full of mud or flood-waters as are many homes in Oklahoma, Ohio, Wisconsin, and other areas recently ravaged by unforgiving rainfalls, mudslides, and so forth. The death count from these floods is nearly 30; what unexpected tragedies for these families. I am thankful that we are (for this moment) safe as we go about our lives. Only God knows what tonight will bring, what tomorrow will bring, and what our future holds. I am grateful that I can rest in His peace, knowing that whatever He allows, He will also give the grace to handle it. Easier said, than practiced, when times of trial come, isn’t it? The depth of our faith is revealed in fire.

Another thankful item…my fellow blogger and friend TaunaLen has generously offered me a "Nice Matters" award on her blogs. So sweet of her! Thank you, Tauna! I think I could easily award it to any of my favorite blogs! I am grateful for my friends in this xanga community, and also, for the many bloggers I find in other blogging communities. I am amazed at the wonderful ideas, recipes, hints, advice and information that I can read through, with only the light tap of my mousepad. Using bloglines, or another feed, I can group my favorite blogs together, and it is like putting together my own magazine, specifically tailored to my personal preferences for subject matter. I’m thankful for the few moments I have every day or two, to browse blogs, print new recipes, jot down new books to review, and generally be encouraged and inspired.

All in a Day of Teaching

2007-08-20T09:41:00.000-07:00

Some days, it is the teacher who learns more than the student. Today, we (my daughter and I) began to work on Math again—after probably too much of a break from it (can you say ‘retention loss’?). In only a few minutes, my bright daughter was frustrated to the point of tears, as was her teacher (me). It’s not so much that she can’t remember her addition facts, it is more that she’s not trying to—even with prompting such as “count by 5s, honey!”. She is discouraged before we really even start! Quietly concerned, I sat down with my Ray’s Arithmetic books, and most importantly, the Teacher Guide to the series (written by well-respected Dr Ruth Beechick). I realized that I had not done enough review with my daughter, as we were learning—at least not as much as she needed to learn her facts more concretely. She had done well with visualization and so I had moved on…but…after a summer break, it is apparent that we will need to do a LOT of review before moving forward. And that’s okay…I’m still learning too. Math is not her strong subject and memorization is not her strength either. She simply excels in other areas. And, adding to the challenge, she hates worksheets and drill work! But gentle drill we must do; review, review, review. I’m not concerned; she will catch up when she’s ready, as long as we are diligently working at it.

Back to her tears…several minutes later she is expressing a ridiculous amount of frustration over problems that are not difficult, but do require effort. She is allowed to use manipulatives to figure her work, so there really shouldn’t be ANY frustration. Furthermore, there is still an inordinate amount of tears. “Maybe she’s tired,” I think. But this goes deeper than the words “settle down!” Gathering my patience and a much kinder voice, I follow her to her room where she has retreated to do her work in quiet. Asking a couple questions about her frustration yields large teardrops falling to her page of problems. I’m so glad I took time to stop and listen to my little girl. I quickly hear that her voice holds more hurt than anger. She calls herself ‘stupid’ and ‘bad at math’—well, she is bright (as are all children, in their own ways!) and barely starting 3rd grade is far too early to be considered ‘bad’ at any subject, much less math! I tell her this gently and we talk some more….

My little one puts on a strong front, and can be quite the “know-it-all” (dare I guess where she gets it?), but deep inside she has the same streak of sensitivity I have. It’s the kind that never lets on when something hurts us; we probably don’t even cry, maybe not for weeks and weeks. Until one day, something punches that hidden bubble, and it bursts. Turns out, while taking a roadtrip last Spring, with one of her playmates, they had played an oral math game. Very soon into the game, my daughter couldn’t answer the problems anymore. She was told firmly by her peer, that she wasn’t very good at math at all. Maybe a couple of other demeaning statements; not really so cruelly intended at all—just a kid saying what kids say. Well, this situation was never shared with us, her parents, in typical half-kid/half-preteen fashion. She is just beginning those years of maturing, at the young age of 8. So, anyway…the story comes out, through tears. Those thoughtless but very typical kid-to-kid remarks cut my little one deeply, adding to an insecurity she already had, just because math frustrates her and she knows she doesn’t “get it” easily. Unfortunately, these types of kid statements are made, not infrequently, by this friend, so we are careful with the time my daughter spends with her (and we continue to work with our girl on learning to have self-confidence no matter what others say, and on placing importance in what God thinks, not what others think, etc. She will toughen up as she grows, but I want the toughening to be healthy confidence, and not just a brick wall around her heart!) My young one goes on to say that the remarks hurt her, and so she quit telling others that math wasn’t her thing; she made sure to keep it a secret from everyone else. My Mother’s heart nearly broke…I wish I had probed more about her hatred of math a few months ago, and learned then, what I learned today. Her resistance to math work, is what led me to choose to take a break from it, and has also led to frustration on my part as well, when it became a discipline issue. I had no idea there was a deeper “heart” issue at stake.

I lied down on her bed, and had her come snuggle with me as we talked more about it, and talked about strengths and weaknesses, our feelings, developing confidence in ourselves and most importantly in who we are in God, etc. Several minutes later, she seemed better, and was able to calmly sit and finish her work. Using her manipulatives, but with no more tears, no more frustration, and the gentle reassurance from her Mom that she desperately needs, but which I have been too lax at offering (much to my own shame). She is now having a remarkably good day, and playing happily—although—I’m not sure how much more “school” will be completed. I think we may have both learned enough for today!

Times like this, I am so glad she is at home with me, to learn. Although I learned some lessons today myself—I surely did!—I also was able to love her as her Mother, and offer unqualified acceptance to her broken little heart. I was able to see past defiance and frustration and (finally) discover the heart issue at stake with this subject called “math”. I wish I had slowed down and taken more time weeks ago; displayed more patience and softness to my little girl. It is so easy to think of her as ‘half-grown’ because she is my oldest. But she is far from grown, and is still quite young and in need of help, more often than she likes to admit. I must learn to be sensitive to this; of course, children come to us in their own time, and there’s no guarantee that she would have shared her troubles back when it happened. But I hadn’t given her enough opportunity either. Children need to feel safe and loved and protected before they will open up; another lesson to remember!

My patience and diligence—as both her Mother and her Teacher—are crucial now, especially in math. We have much review to do, but she is young and we have plenty of time. There is no need to worry if she is keeping up with her peers; as long as we keep moving forward, she will catch up. One reason to homeschool, is for the sake of individuality—for the purpose of *not* forcing my children to fit into the “one-speed-fits-all” box that prevails in typical school systems. I will develop a plan which will mix the use of worksheets (I can custom-print my own), the use of colorful ‘review’ type workbooks (already own, thanks to sister-in-law cleaning out her bookshelves!), the use of oral work and flashcard games, and, my daughter’s favorite—computer games (free on internet)! I will be using a similar mix of activities to work with my son on the alphabet and phonics. And maybe, for his math as well. (Which explains our interest in setting up an older computer with the new parts necessary to have our kids use it for educational purposes). I believe, with our combined efforts (of both myself and my daughter), we can conquer her math fears and hopefully, build a general sense of confidence in her heart as well, as we review and learn.

A thankful list on Thursday

2007-08-09T09:14:00.000-07:00

I am thankful for the deluge of rain we had last night…at first, it just poured down solidly with the wind whipping. Fun to listen to…but then, it turned into continual roars of thunder (really loud!) and lightning forking across the sky. A real summertime thunderstorm.

I am also thankful that 2 of my 3 kids slept through it…even I had trouble sleeping. Eventually, it stopped, but then started awhile later. Ugh. Today I am extremely groggy. BUT, I’m still grateful for the moisture. We are in quite the heatwave around here (100s) and it has been dry, dry. I wish a cool front had come with the rain, but, in August, that is really a bit much to even hope for!!

Given my groggy and grumpy state this morning, I am exceedingly grateful for my large mug of tea. And for the bowl of ‘bulgur porridge’ I just made for my toddler and I. (Older kids have already made themselves their cereal!) I’m hoping that the nutrients will help kickstart my energy, as I have laundry waiting for me…and grumpy kids…and school…the list goes on!

I am thankful that September is just around the corner. While we may retain heated temperatures, by the end of September, we will be catching glimpses of Fall around here, and I can’t wait. Even as a homeschool Mom, I love “back-to-school” time. Our own home takes on a new rhythm; I take advantage of school supplies sales; we return to explore the zoo (in cooler temps!); the library is, once again, empty!! (I just remembered, I am planning a garage sale in late September—ugh—as much as I want to CLEAR OUT, the thought of all the work is exhausting right now!)

I am thankful for the ‘quiet time’ I had with my husband last night…listening to the rain, talking, relaxing.

I am thankful for the small box of ‘Yankee’ votive candles I have. Just the thing I need to scent up the kitchen! Ohhhh, and I can’t wait to begin using my favored autumnal scents—the spicy ones. Mmmm!

I am thankful my new little niece was born this week—with no complications, a perfect little angel—number 4 to her family (my younger brother). 2 boys, then 2 girls. We will get to meet her a little later this month, but my parents came home from a quick visit (the family lives out of town), just raving about the new, sweet Grandbaby. Number 12 for them.

I am thankful for the bag of ‘pepitas’ I picked up yesterday at Whole Foods—which—I can’t seem to stay out of! Yes, I chose ‘roasted and salted’. J They are a good snack, and are inexpensive! Pepitas (little green pumpkin seeds) are a bit different from our typical jack-o-lantern pumpkin seeds, and are available year round. They combine wonderfully with other trail mix ingredients, but are just as yummy on their own—or—with dried cranberries. I haven’t tried them with chocolate chips, but, mixture of ‘sweet-n-salty’ is a tried and true favorite, so that might be worth eating!

I am thankful for my children and my husband…some days I think I do an okay job caring for them—but—I am still aware of how short I fall, and the grace I need to get through my days!

I am eternally grateful for Our God we serve and trust, for His grace, and for the peace He offers to those who simply lean on Him.

News and a Starbucks Story

2007-08-08T19:43:00.000-07:00

I’m starting off my blog with an incredibly important piece of news….are you ready? Peter Pan peanut butter will be on shelves again NEXT MONTH!!!!!!!! (Or maybe this month, depending on stores stocking the product…) For serious Peter Pan PB addicts, like myself, this is almost the best news of the summer. I am sooooo tired of Jif (no offense to my Jif-loving xangans). I’m ready for my 6 lb tub of Peter Pan PB (Sam’s). Yes, I bulk-buy PB and we actually use it. And no, I’m not worried about its safety—in fact, after the numerous plant inspections and extensive micro-cleaning and safety procedures, I figure Peter Pan is actually the SAFEST peanut butter around. LOL!

In other news, my husband and I are busy creating Starbucks addicts out of our children. We don’t go weekly or anything; maybe once a month or less (generally speaking, but when I’m given a “card”, then sometimes we get extra visits!). So anyway, if we can afford to, we buy a drink for our two older kids to split—like a frappucino or something. Trouble is, my toddler is now yelling for her fair share these days. She used to happily take a drink when we shared with her—and then hand the cup back. But now, she holds on tightly! Tonight, she and I were running a couple errands, and so I thought I’d grab a Starbucks while we were out. She took a very late nap today and so I expect to be up quite late tonight. My little monkey starts clapping as soon as we hit the Starbucks drive thru.  Isn’t that hilarious? Needless to say, I ordered a “Venti” drink (iced mocha, lite ice) and asked for an extra cup/lid/straw so I could share just a little bit with her. Kept her quite happy the rest of the ride. Her favorite thing to do, besides drinking it (and she does like to sip my hot coffee or hot tea, by the way) was to pull the straw OUT of the cup and lick off the whipped cream. Very cute, but also rather messy. She had cream and coffee droplets all over her face, her carseat, her dress, etc. Oh well. It could be an Mastercard commercial. Cost of gas to get to Starbucks? 50 cents. Cost of a venti Starbucks drink? 4 dollars. Cost of a box of wipes to clean up the mess? 3 dollars. Passing on a love of coffee to my toddler? Priceless. 

And now I’m off to chase my caffeine-laced child. Naw, she barely got a few sips…she was mostly interested in the cream. That’s my girl! But she really is busy running around and giggling, with no signs of slowing down yet. Ugh. It’s 20 till 10pm. I’m rather glad for the caffeine I had.

2007-07-31T11:09:00.000-07:00

Today is a junk mail day. I hate junk mail days--those days in which nothing interesting comes in the mail. Ordinarily, mail might not be "an event". But for a homeschooling Mom of (almost) 4, well, life gets s-l-o-w around here, and there are days that even internet buzz is slow. On such days, it is a delight to find something of interest in the mailbox. Y'know...a glossy new magazine; perhaps Martha Stewart...or...well, that's my only current subscription, and although I love the magazine, she sure needs to step into REAL LIFE someday. LOL. Even the jail stint didn't do it! Maybe I need to add something else! Anyway, maybe a personal letter or card might come, an unexpected check (yeah, that's a rarity, but we praise God when it happens!)...maybe a much-anticipated Netflix movie (even if it's for the kids, then, hey! Mom might get a break!). Something, anything...grocery ads with which to menu plan.... I digress.

But today, there was NOTHING. A pathetic flyer of non-ads and a single envelope hiding some ridiculous offer. Straight into the trash it went. Oh, what a lovely thing it would have been, if a new magazine had come! But it did not.

And to add to the day's misery, I have a nasty headache--which I've medicated, but to no avail. It is all sinus-related. Thanks to the lingering cold I have. And my toddler has caught it as well. The good thing about that is simply that I give myself permission to medicate her at night time--which means--she'll fall asleep early. Hopefully. But I'd still rather she were healthy. My head is throbbing. That kind of throbbing in which it makes my stomach nauseated. Yuck.

Another Thursday to be Thankful

2007-07-26T07:20:00.001-07:00

This week it is quite easy to come up with a thankful list: it’s been a good week, all the way around! These are the weeks to really praise God for His grace in our current situations, for the life He’s given me, for my family that surrounds me, and the home we live in. And those definitely top my list!!

I am thankful for the time I had with my oldest daughter last night. We visited some fabric stores, searching for the perfect quilt backing material for the baby quilt I’m working on. While unsuccessful, I did choose the store I will return to and check again. We also enjoyed Starbucks together—one of her favorite things to do with Mom. What precious time together! Being the oldest is a tough job, and it is truly a blessing to have time out that we both enjoy.

I am thankful for some good, solid talks and eventual resolutions that my husband and I were able to work through this week. Nothing earth-shattering; just the kind of stuff that life brings once in awhile.

I am thankful for the fresh garden vegetables we’ve received this year; mostly from my Dad, but also from our neighbor. The girls and I love vegetables so we really enjoy it! My son and husband, well, not so much…but that’s okay.

I am thankful that the kids have had a wonderful week of Bible School! They leave, so excited every day…and come home tired, but full of words! What a blessing to have a nearby, small church they can attend at; a place where I feel comfortable letting them go, and where my neighbor herself goes along with them. It is a delightful week every single year. Even my toddler hasn’t noticed her siblings missing (partly due to PBS!) which has been an additional blessing, as she is typically very aware and very unhappy to be left out of anything!!

I am thankful for some rearranging we did in our home, to make our space suited to the way we are currently living and the stages our children are at. So far, these little changes are working so well for us!

I’m thankful that this summer cold I caught is almost over! I was just dead tired Tuesday—unusual as that is typically a good day in the week—and it turns out, I was working on a cold. YUCK. But it seems that perhaps I will be able to throw it off without too much trouble. Praise God! I hate being sick—and pregnant—and a Mommy, all at the same time!

I’m thankful that August is nearly here—I’m tired of summer—and this marks our last month. School starts around here, mid-month, so the city’s attractions, parks, libraries, will once again be quiet in the daytime. And I can enjoy the back-to-school sales, as our budget allows.

I’m thankful for the many homeschooling resources, websites, books, etc that enable uncreative folks like myself to homeschool with ease. Well, with relative ease. There is so much information out there, so many terrific blogs full of inspiration and ideas…so many books that are uplifting and encouraging…I am truly thankful for them all. AND, for the freedom to homeschool as I desire. There are many countries which still hold homeschooling illegal, and many places in which it is not so easily done. Here in America, it is legal, relatively simple in most districts, and we are blessed with much support from one another. How incredibly fortunate we are that others have worked hard, and sacrificed much to pave this road. And that legal teams (HSLDA specifically) continue the work, ensuring continued freedom for all of us.

On a lighter note, I am thankful for my “black currant” tea today—it is hot right now, but a 2nd cup is brewing, which will then be iced. Ahhhhhh!

Time to go switch laundry and get to some kitchen work awaiting me. Hope you all have a great week-ending, as you look into your own lives, and consider the blessings, both big and small. Even in the midst of trials, there is always something to thank Our God for—even if it is simply life itself.

A list to be thankful for

2007-07-12T09:15:00.000-07:00

Ahhhh, another Thursday has arrived. And last week, I missed it. Life was busy—just—well—being lived! Oh, how I miss blogging, but, with 3.5 kids about…it seems that my time to “blog” is much limited. I know that many of you relate to this, and I see dear xanga pals leave, or be absent for weeks at a time. I miss them—but—I understand. Blogging cannot come before actually living the life we blog about!! And a blog must be for “our” convenience, even when we wish to minister or encourage others with our sites. We cannot become slaves to the blog. But for those of us who feel drawn to “writing”, the struggle for balance continues. J Despite the changes to my personal time, I am so thankful for my children. They are amazing (most days!). And I’m thankful for my husband too—their Daddy.

Today, I have already begun laundry—which—is behind, as usual. I have decided that I may never actually “catch up” with it. It will be rotating piles instead. Just when I catch up the clothing, there are endless sheets and towels. But the hardest part is “starting” each day…and since I’ve started it, I will soon have the reward of switching the load to the dryer—and—washing load #2 for the day. I hope to get a 3rd done as well. We shall see. But I’m thankful for energy to get started, at least.

School has been less “serious” this week, as we’ve spent some time with games (which typically have some educational value), with books (which we love!), and with imaginative play (which builds brother/sister relationship bonds). I am thankful for the delightful sounds of playing and laughter, and reading aloud, and squealing over games. We also had some time at the nearby park, with Daddy; our city park dept added a new piece of equipment, so of course, we HAD to go! Our neighborhood park is a great one, and worthy of being “thankful for”!

I am also thankful to have chicken marinating for dinner tonight. It isn’t every day that I’m on top of dinner, even before lunch time!! But this is one of those great days. J

Yesterday, I was FINALLY able to restock my black teas, at my favorite local store. Green teas are just not tasting right to me, during this pregnancy. Weird, and annoying, since I had already stocked up my favorite greens. BUT, I do love black tea as well—and—there are some wonderful flavors to be had. Today, I simply enjoyed a cup of “English Breakfast”; a nice, mild and plain-flavored tea. And good with milk, I might add! I particularly love the blends that my favorite shop puts together (I generally buy my spices here as well). Anyway, I also purchased Apricot Brandy, Earl Gray, and Black Currant to keep me caffeinated. I will be icing the Apricot Brandy, as well as enjoying it hot. I’ve been out of these teas for awhile, so I am incredibly thankful to have them in my tea cupboard again.

I’m thankful to have stocked the fridge—although it won’t last! I have a Sam's membership, thanks to my Dad, and the bonus is that it’s a “business membership”. This doesn’t mean much—but—it allows me to get in early (7am to 10am) and shop when the warehouse is less crowded than normal, as the general memberships are not allowed in until 10am. I’ve never taken advantage of this benefit—until yesterday! Wow! What a difference in time. I didn’t have a large list, but I sure glided right through the store, and strolled right up to an open register to check out. Yippeee! (Yes, it is easy to “make my day!”)

My husband brought me a Starbucks card! Many of you know that this is well worth a place on my thankful list. It is the season for iced mochas, after all! And without a prepaid card, Starbucks is a rare treat. The card, is an even rarer treat, I might add!

I’m thankful for shopping options; Dillons (Kroger) which puts on some good sales, Walmart (supposedly the lowest everyday prices), Sam’s, etc…as gasoline prices rise, and our local natural gas and water prices go up (ugh!), it seems that our pockets are squeezed tighter, and we have no increase in pay to help this. These companies can all pass on THEIR expenses, but, we are stuck paying them, with no way out. In addition, as I’ve mentioned, our groceries go up regularly. Are you all noticing this too? Frustrating! My Sam’s expenses were about $5 above what they were two weeks ago on dairy items alone! Anyway…I will have to work harder at cutting coupons again, and at price-shopping, even if it means hitting more than one store. My drive time isn’t much at all, as we live within 5 miles (or so) of all 3 grocery chains. I’m thankful to be close enough to shop around—and—to have the options here in our metro area.

I’m thankful, above all, to be able to take my concerns to God. To trust Him for our provisions. Sure, I must do my part, and try to be a wise steward—thus the additional grocery endeavors! But I can trust in His word, that He will provide for our needs. And He often blesses us with small luxuries too, which I cannot take for granted. As tightly as we live, we are rich by comparison. And richly blessed with children, too. Our society today is much more concerned with the “cost” of raising kids, than with the blessing that these little ones are. I am thankful to view them as gifts from God—however difficult some weeks may be—they are, indeed, gifts to cherish. I do not know how I would have any peace at all, if it weren’t for resting in His promises, and the knowledge that someday, this world shall pass away, with all its trials and struggles.

Congratulations to all of you who actually finished READING this thankful list!! I always appreciate hearing from you, and reading many of your blogs regularly. May you each have a wonderful day, as you consider the blessings in your life—both big and small.

Been awhile...

2007-06-30T13:17:00.000-07:00

Well! I haven't visited my beloved "private" blog in far too long. And for good reason; shortly after my last post, I became incredibly ill for a couple of months. Ill with a new baby, that is! Yup, come December, we will (with God's grace) welcome baby #4 into our household. My first trimester of pregnancy is ALWAYS a total wipeout in which I seek mainly to survive. I did--thanks to my patient kids, my helpful (in crisis!!) husband, and Our Gracious God.

Now...I'm entering trimester 2, and feeling some of my energy return. Of course, that cuppa joe--or tea--helps. And honestly, I'm up to about 2 cups each morning. LOL.

While no one actually READS this blog--or at least, no one that I'm aware of--my intent is, to keep up with this blog periodically; for my self, as well as for anyone who happens by! As well, to be able to share some thoughts I may not share on my other blog which is read by many folks I "know" (family included!). I desire to be the same person to all, but, reality is that it is often easier to open up to strangers--and sometimes innermost thoughts are too private for folks you actually KNOW to read. How's that for irony? Then there's always the pressure to be "who I am"--even though I may be changing, morphing, etc. Anyway, here's a link to my other blog, where I am more frequently found: http://www.xanga.com/SimpliciTea

The River Within...

2007-04-04T12:00:00.000-07:00

"A writer desires to be known, as we all do. And so, a writer pours out his or her soul onto paper, expecting to one day be read. Whether before death or after, in inconsequential…there is simply the hope that one day, the words will live for someone else, the way that they lived in the soul of he or she who wrote them. There is often a river of emotion flowing deep within, and eventually, the river will flood the soul, if it is not given a way to escape. Perhaps they have wisdom to pass onto others, lessons learned; or perhaps they have fictional stories coming alive in their minds. Maybe it is song lyrics playing in their heads yearning to be matched to melody, or words of poetry springing to life as the world is viewed and experienced. Or it could simply be the passion of living, a longing to be set free with words, all that is in the heart. But whatever the reason, the waterfall of words cannot be stopped; the river within the soul of a writer will not be calmed; as long as words exist, the river will not run dry. These words deep within a writer will be like waves crashing against a river’s banks, until they are released by paper and pen, and offered to the world as tangible evidence of the writer’s existence. The words must find a way out so that the writer’s soul will not drown and be forever lost. Not everyone understands this, for not everyone is a writer; but it is true. No, it cannot be denied; for writing becomes a need to the soul, as water is a need to the body. And so if you long to write, then write, dear friend! Set free your words, release your soul, and be known. Find refreshment and joy in the waterfall of written words. Do not wait to wade deeply into the river of your soul!"

All about the love?

2007-01-18T11:15:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I wonder what “the world” must think of us. You know who I’m talking about…all of us “Christians” running around flapping our gums about God and His laws and His love and Christian unity…singing about “victory in Jesus” (ironic, given our constant struggles with the same old stuff)…about His “amazing grace” (which we claim to have, yet cannot seem to share). We stand piously on our Bibles, on its verses, on the Ten Commandments; we sit Sunday after Sunday in our comfortable chairs (or cushioned pews) and we greet our friends, sing our songs, shout a few amens, and go home to live that victorious Christian life we’re all busy proclaiming we have (yelling at the kids all the way home…or fighting with our spouse over where we might eat lunch…or sharing the latest tidbits of ‘church gossip’ we just received that day).

But let’s step back for a moment. Do we really live that life? Do we really believe those words written in our Bibles? Let’s just take the familiar passage of 1 Corinthians 13. Yeah, you know the one; it’s the love chapter. We quote it all the time, use its words at all our weddings, and we hear sermons on it regularly. We probably even spout it to our kids when teaching them how to treat one another, and we sure like to pull those verses out to “share” with our spouses when we aren’t getting our way. Okay, maybe I’m the only one raising my hand.

Do you suppose we ever sound like a resounding gong (verse 1) with our empty words of “love”? Do you think God really meant for Paul to say that we could have the gift of prophecy and faith to move mountains, but without love, we are nothing (verse 2)? How about the next verse? Paul goes on to say, we could give all we possess to the poor, but if we have not love, we gain NOTHING. So, the act of “giving to the poor” in and of itself, apparently is not necessarily a sound demonstration of love. Hmmmm. Interesting.

And now for the really familiar words: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. (Know any Christians who boast? Who are prideful? Yes, this is a trick question, because inevitably someone else’s name will pop into your head, as it does mine—and then POW, we are dangerously close to that whole pride/boasting thing after all! Ever been envious of anyone else? No? Good! Then you are actually happy for your friends/neighbors/family when they get new furniture while your shabby and dated couch pops another spring. And you’d rather your pal have that new shirt you saw at the store last week, right? Let’s think bigger—how do we react when our friends/neighbors/family move into their dream home while our own house is bursting at the seams and it’s time to do yet another repair “project”).

Let’s go on. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking OK, OK, stop already! I’m pretty sure I can be really rude when I don’t get my way. And if I had less pride, I could pull a couple of very recent examples right off the top of my head. And what about that whole self-seeking bit? Do we often put the interests of others above our own? NOT! Let’s just scratch the surface of what that means…how often do we use our spending money to bless someone else? Sacrificially, I mean. Blessing someone else when it pinches our wallets a bit? When we “needed” that $20 ourselves? Because it’s pretty easy to “give” when it doesn’t hurt ourselves. Now what about letting someone else “win” the argument when we know we are right! By the way, I have perfectionist tendencies, control-issues, and since I know right from wrong so well, I pretty much expect that everyone else should too. So, yeah, I know what I’m talking about here. J

It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Wondering, just now, what possessed me to blog about this in the first place. I’m not the most quick-tempered person I know, but my husband might disagree. My kids might disagree also. And I may not hold grudges, but hey, I don’t have to, because I have a REALLY good memory!!

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth. In other words, maybe we can’t be so quick to smile when (insert name) falls off their carefully built throne. Maybe we should grieve when (insert name again) has all their poor decisions catch up to them, rather than being the first to say “they deserved it!” Or maybe, instead of judging that nose-ring-wearing kid with the spiked hair, we be the first to welcome them to church—because after all, we actually want them to find the truth! To be set free by it! To experience the revolutionary love of Jesus (which, by the way, was consistently given to society’s rejects, by Jesus Himself).

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. Seriously? Do you suppose Paul meant to write those words? We are to continually hope for the best? We keep giving love to (insert name) even though they never return it and it doesn’t seem to make a difference? We should protect those around us, rather than seeking to slander them? (I know we Christians never actually slander—we “vent” or we share “prayer requests”…our we politely gossip over lunch…but we certainly don’t “slander”. That’s malicious after all!)

And Paul goes on, wrapping up his thoughts, here, and reminded us to GROW UP (verse 11) because we are to put our childish ways behind us. So, back to this whole “love” thing…maybe we can step up and love our families. Y’know, be a little more patient with our kids, give into our spouses’ desires over our own for a day or two. But let’s stretch out a bit. How about to our extended family? Our parents, our siblings and their families, our IN-LAWS (caps used for my own benefit). Does this “love is unselfish” bit include holidays too? Yeah, it probably does. Christmas especially, since, after all, that’s when we’re celebrating Jesus and remembering God’s love for us in sending His Son to earth. Let’s go to the next ripple in our ever-widening circle. What about our friends at church, or those we don’t really like very well? What about the homeless guy who only comes for the free coffee and central heating? And that family that sits in the back—the ones who wear t-shirts and whose kids have stained clothes and are poorly behaved?

Let’s ripple out to the “non-Christians” next door—the biker guy and his live-in girlfriend? The unmarried couple on the other side; yeah, the ones with the kids or step-kids or whatever-they-are. What about that gay guy?

Let’s ripple farther to those of another political party? Maybe the left-wingers? Or the right-wingers? Maybe those of another race or ethnicity? Even another religion?

What about those in the Body of Christ who worship at another church? No, no, not your sister church—I mean the one who doesn’t quite believe the same way YOUR church believes. Or those folks who attend the mega church with its luxurious décor, its coffee bar and state-of-the-art sound system? Yeah, that church. Where all the rich people go who just want to feel good for going to church every Sunday. (Oops. That sounded dangerously close to pride again. And I might have just forgotten about the ‘rejoice in truth’ bit. WHO AM I to judge the hearts of a crowd just because their church is so large? And because they have a famous Pastor?) What about that tiny church down the street—the one that’s so dead, all it’s members are literally dying of old age? Or that one across town that our neighbor goes to, but we wouldn’t go there because they’re pretty dry—just not quite as far along as “our” church. Spiritually, I mean. Are all these groups of people in the SAME BODY OF CHRIST? Are we acting like it?

If we find these divisions among ourselves so easily, and if we can identify with them, why do we think we’re fooling “the world?” And what on earth is going to bring any of the “lost” into our doors? Because once they’re in, we’ll turn the key and lock it. We’ll explain why our church is the “only” one—or maybe we’ll say the “best” one. We’ll explain (politely) all they need to do to change and fit into our congregation. We’ll sign them up for the programs that need help, and explain how it’s “Christian duty”. And we’ll tell them all about the love of Christ. And we’ll get them baptized and sanctified and all that. We’ll hand them our favorite version of the Bible, it will, of course, be the “right” version, but if they happen to have another one at home, we’ll allow them to keep it too. We might even invite them to lunch! And hopefully, they’ll ignore our backbiting and gossiping and judging and selfishness and pride and arrogance and all that stuff, and they’ll stay. Because we need numbers, and we like to see people saved. (and if they hang around long enough, they might even start to tithe!) And of course, because they’ll see the victory we have in Jesus, and they’ll want some of it too. (As soon as they quit drinking, stop smoking, shed their extra earrings, cover up their tattoos, get married to their live-in, turn from the wicked ways, and follow Jesus, that is).

Maybe I’d better read back through the “love” chapter…and maybe I’d better read more about how Jesus “loved” others. I’m not sure I’ve got this down yet.

Overcast Friday...

2007-01-05T17:51:00.000-08:00

This morning, glancing out the window just as daylight was arriving, I saw that it was going to be the perfect “soup day”. But what kind, what kind? I found beef in broth, frozen, from a roast made some time back. Perfect to use for dinner, along with “just enough” frozen veggies remaining in a bag. Add a jar of my home-canned, stewed tomatoes…I had all I needed on hand. Boy, I wish my dinner plans were always “that” easy! (For 2 years, I’ve resolved to do menu planning, and tried various systems…bottom line? Nothing has stuck yet. But I’m still tryin’) I also found a new recipe for “perfect” brownies to try…I cut ‘em really small, but I’ve already had 2. They’re really, really good. I’ll probably post the recipe today or tomorrow. It’s worth sharing!

And so, it is early evening…we have gray skies; the air is cold and crisp with a stiff breeze. We haven’t seen the sun today, and this morning, we had drizzly winter rain falling for a time. I love days like this—perfect for a loaf of bread, freshly baked; a pot of soup simmering on the stove; and a pan of home-made brownies, still warm from the oven. A cozy candle burns in the kitchen, adding another light layer of scent. Mmmmm, cranberry!

No, my days do not always flow smoothly…but today, despite a very fussy baby, things have rolled along without much difficulty. Until I sat down to blog, that is. LOL. I paint a peaceful picture…and for a few moments, the scene is as I paint it to be. But those blessed moments do not last. And dinner is, sometimes, PB & J sandwiches. Or (gasp!) a bowl of cold cereal. And then I resolve to do better, the next day.

My husband called; he’s late again, getting off work. Every day this week, he’s been at least an hour late coming home—the next shift people don’t come on time…his boss adds to an already full “to-do” list…various reasons. All amounting to, a tired Daddy and a tired Mama. And split-up mealtimes. But my husband will be happy to come home to some brownies, at least—I hope! And likely, a bowl of warm and hearty soup along with a thick slice of bread will hit the spot as well. Praise God that today, I was able to put together a meal worth coming home to!!!

2006-12-30T21:29:00.000-08:00

Yup; 11:30--as my blog says, "may be written at midnight"...and here we are. Tonight my husband and I watched a movie (Netflix! Delivered to your door, no sifting through the lousy offerings at Blockbuster--even the DVD covers are inappropriate these days)...let's see...the name of it...can't remember. Jennifer Lopez and Robert Redford and Josh Lucas and Morgan Freeman. Set in Wyoming; ahhhh, what country! Beautiful ranchland, tiny little mountain town with a couple of cafes and one or two sheriffs. Oh, yes; "An Unfinished Life" was the title. Anyway, it reminded me of the simple life; living off the land, living in Creation (aka; Wyoming) as opposed to in the city (though cities do have some benefits, such as libraries!). Money wasn't so important...but family (whoever that entailed--whether birth, blood, or friendship) did. In the end, at least.

I love our home (despite the layout and poor traffic flow...and small, closed-off kitchen...etc), because it is ours and our family is here...and we have a decent yard, really, for city dwelling. But some days, I long for country. I long for air and space and land and beauty and nature and snow and mountains...or at least nature and land. I am thankful for what God has provided, and I do believe we are currently, planted where we belong. But movies full of scenery such as this; oh, how I can dream!

We belong to a small Body of Believers in a desperate neighborhood; we see those rejected by the world, finding a place to belong there. But my life is comfortable. Predictable. And maybe for now, it should be...but I am not doing enough. I am busy living...but am I busy with the right things? Homekeeping, Homeschooling...yes, yes, all important. But time isn't blocked out for "giving"--baking for a neighbor, helping out someone, donating "stuff"--and then illness creeps in and steals a week or two (2 adults, 3 kids, one house...yeah, we share the germs!). My kids were sick all week, my husband is sick now, and I'm fighting hard with EmergenC and colloidal silver...and rest (except tonight!). So anyway...life happens, day by day...week by week...month by month...and then a year passes. Then another. And I always think "later..." or maybe "next week"...but...life keeps going by. Is it enough to train my little ones? Is it enough to be busy with their care?

Pondering these things on the Eve of a New Year...knowing that busyness will again overtake me as soon as I start my "mountain" of laundry tomorrow. And put on the turkey and noodles to cook. But for now...these things fill my heart and deserved reflection. Time is not lost lingering here.

Over for another year...

2006-12-26T13:36:00.000-08:00

So, Christmas is over for another year. Well, not completely...we now begin the "Twelve Days of Christmas" leading up to Epiphany on Jan 6. I am still getting used to that timetable, as I struggle *not* to take down my tree on Dec 26! And this year, my Christmas letters are going out this week...as they didn't get done before Christmas!

One thing I do shortly after Christmas is to sit down and review our days in November and December; I write out traditions that work, changes to be made, new gift ideas (especially of the homemade sort). And then I look through my holiday recipes (of which I have many!) and remove those that I decide I will *never actually* make...I jot down those I really want to try next year, and note which ones might make good gifts for our neighbor, or for friends. And this year, I realized that we had too many "snacks" yet not enough "side items" at my in-laws...so I noted that, and next year, I'll remember what to take.

Every year, I realize all the plans I had...and how many of them didn't happen! Kind of depressing, except that, we Moms simply cannot carry through all that we wish we could--not always. Because "life" happens. And living, is paramount, even to holidays. Oh, the craft ideas I found, which we never made...the scriptures we didn't read, the storybooks we didn't finish, the baking that didn't get done...time to let it go. Time to embrace a New Year, and cozy in for Wintertime. Still plenty of time for wintery crafts, lessons, baking etc.

I must remember to work harder at maintaining a good attitude next year--at my in-laws. Oh, I didn't *do* anything wrong, or *say* anything objectionable, and I kept a smile on my face. But it's a struggle, as I simply do not fit in. Our family systems operate very differently; the personality types are quite opposite those that are in my family. And there's the inevitable tension, as conversations occur...things are said...moments happen.

Indeed, the holiday Season is over for another year. But its Spirit remains, and lives on within our hearts. And that is our focus, as we prepare for the coming Season of Lent leading up to Easter...when the Joy of Christmas is temporarily replaced with sorrow as we remember our sins which were paid for by the horrible death of Our Lord...on the Cross. Then our full Joy returns on Easter morning, when we celebrate His miraculous rising and the full atonement made for us by the shedding of His blood!

Time to lay out cozy winter blankets as the Christmas decorations are put away...except for the snowmen and the scented candles, which will keep the home warm and snuggly throughout the dark winter as it sets in. And the candles in the front window. Those stay awhile longer as well.

Wintery weather setting in!

2006-12-19T21:30:00.000-08:00

Ahhh, finally, it will feel like December again, here in the land of Oz. Outside, the rain is pattering on the roof and soaking into the parched ground. Tomorrow, I envision a day near the fireplace, cozy and crackling flames warming the room around us. Staying in. (Except for the Walmart run I have to make. And exchanging kids with my sister-in-law--she has my daughter, I have her son!). Cranberry candle burning, its scent drifting through the kitchen; Bing Crosby crooning out the Christmas songs in the background.
Perhaps I shall attack my list of treats to make--fudge being a priority! One batch PB and a batch or two of chocolate. That may depend upon how my teething toddler is doing--today was less than "good" and I'm hoping tonight offers better sleep than last night did. It also may depend upon how my laundry goes--as of now, I have 2 loads going and 2 lined up waiting. Kind of takes precedence, even the week before Christmas.
My wrapping is done--3 gifts per child doesn't take too long. (Hey, if 3 is good enough for Jesus, then surely, it will suffice for our children too). And hopefully their sweet little faces will still light up as the wrapping is torn off, on Christmas Eve. Then there will be stockings Christmas morning, before we set off to my in-laws for festivities. I'm so excited that Christmas Eve falls on a Sunday this year; what a lovely way to begin the holiday--exactly where we should be, celebrating the birth of Our King.

JOY??

2006-12-18T06:45:00.000-08:00

Here we are...the week of JOY! Hmmmmm. My Monday morning is starting off a little "less than joyful" except that, JOY does not depend on circumstances. And so from that perspective, I can still be full of JOY inside, although there is bits of chaos around me. My baby girl didn't sleep well at all, which is not entirely uncommon, but nonetheless, makes for difficult mornings. My daughter slept well, yet is still grumpy this morning--hmmmm, could this just be her "new" self? Seems to be happening all too frequently these days. Also makes for difficult mornings...as...she doesn't want to apply herself to school lessons. Sure we do fun stuff, and she loves science or social studies, but the 3 Rs, are crucial, and it is these she fights. And then there is my middle child--my dear little son. He is at odds today because his sister doesn't want to play with him. And this is understandable, as she is 3 years older--and playing "cars" is simply not an inviting option for a nearly-8-yr-old girl! And I sit here, hoping to write a peaceful blog...to speak of twinkling Christmas lights, or the scent of cranberry wafting through the air...Christmas music filling our home (soon!)...but this is simply not the atmosphere here. Yet.

So the hope of peace here, of lessons learned at schoolwork, of Christmasy atmosphere enveloping us...of a good nap for my baby...these things might inspire JOY within me. Even though they are not yet achieved. But truly, the JOY comes whether my hopes are fulfilled today or not. For there is JOY in having children about my feet--children who are healthy and largely, happy. There is JOY in owning enough clothes to have overflowing laundry...there is JOY in the anticipation of some light Christmas baking to be done today...there is JOY simply because, this is the Season of JOY, as we look forward to celebrating the birth of Christ.

Today, I will turn on the cheery music, light the candles, prudently work on laundry, patiently break up the quarrels, work on school with my daughter, and happily bake my recipes. And I will spread JOY throughout my home. (Even though I cannot go back to bed. Which I really want to do!)

And I will go now, and make tea...to start it all off. Perhaps my holiday blend--whole leaf black tea with citrus and cinnamon lacing it. And a dash of milk...poured into a favorite Christmas mug. The red one, with a candy-cane striped handle, and the jolly snowman smiling on its front.

Blessings! (And JOY).

2006-12-15T20:55:00.000-08:00

I've officially decided that I do *not* like MYSPACE very well. It simply isn't "blog" friendly--although blogging is easy there--and while there are a few features I like, it is also difficult to "break in" to the community--unless you're under 30. I even joined a couple of groups--still--no one has stopped by my site. Which is fine, too; it means privacy for my blog. But writers enjoy writing partially, because, they will one day be "read". Anyway, keeping it for now...we'll see what transpires later on.

I have a xanga site, too. Not that it matters--no one is reading me here, either. A bit harder to find blogs to read in this blogspot; unless you "know" where you're looking. And I haven't figured out how to link to may favorite blogspot folks. Hmmmmmm.

I do like some features that blogger offers. So I believe I will keep this space for awhile. I'm still blogging all over the place, trying to see what works best for me. Or maybe they all will. :)

2006-12-06T06:49:00.000-08:00

This is my 3rd year of homeschooling. And already, I wonder what I'm doing. I mean, I enjoy the planning, the gathering of resources, and even the "teaching". But it is so difficult, with 2 younger ones, not yet in school. My routine revolves more around my baby's teething and periodic household illnesses and my interruptive-almost-5 son, rather than around the schooling. I tell myself "it's OK"--and somewhere inside, I do believe it! For my reasons for homeschooling are less academic and more about character and spiritual training. And there's plenty of that going on around here these days!

And my daughter is lagging in math; it's not her strong subject. No, she is a reader though--and she loves it! And oh how creative she is as she builds lego structures and train tracks (for little brother) and as she colors and creates a world on paper...always with smiling people and a smiling sunshine! She is spiritually sensitive, always remembering to pray before dinnertime, to talk about Jesus and read her Bible. But back to math...as I teach new concepts, I can see that she isn't ready for them. And too much challenge shuts her down. She fights against handwriting--and it is, rather monotonous. "But also necessary" I tell her. And so we trudge on. A moment of lessons here, several minutes there, storytimes sprinkled throughout a "good" day. But on the bad days...I look back and wonder...did I "teach" anything? I know I taught obedience, we worked on speaking kindly and on patience...we talked about sharing with brothers and sisters...and after all, aren't these the reasons I homeschool?

Still, I am so weary of the daily fight; the struggle to "do" anything! The constant arguments (though brief) between siblings, and the unending laundry, and the meal times, just as I sit down for the first time...my hot tea turning cold before it gets drunk...the whining that inevitably follows my requests or commands. This is children...this is homeschooling. And it is hard--I read the blogs of older women who look back longingly at these years with young ones. For they miss their "babies" and the joys of elementary education! And I know I will too. But what I cling to is their wisdom, as they say "stay strong, this will pay off." And they know, because it has paid off for them already. But they remember these years of doubt and difficulty and distress, and so they remind us younger Mothers to keep going...to not fret the little dailies, the constant tending of our precious "fields", because it is over time that the harvest is reaped.

2006-11-25T21:06:00.000-08:00

It is a relief to *feel* better. I can feel the weight lifting...I see a glimpse of sunlight at the end of the tunnel I've been in lately. The last few days (and weeks!) have been a struggle--as much as I love homeschooling my kids, it is also a strain. A responsibility. And when life gets overwhelming, it is difficult to keep up with. Sickness happens, busyness happens, holidays happen--and they all happen AT HOME. I cannot send my kids out of the home for school, while I attend to more pressing matters. No, rather, they must be with me, attending to the matters of "life" as we school. That is, actually, a benefit to homeschooling. But sometimes, it doesn't feel very beneficial! It is then that I must return to my philosophies and my priorities about schooling, and my reasons for schooling. And I believe it is vital to have these predetermined, for just such times as these!

In my particular case, I have a husband whose job takes him out of the home for 11-13 hours a day--not the typical 8-10 hours of a routine desk job. He doesn't get holiday weekends; in fact, he is only off Thanksgiving Day and Christmas Day. So we don't have those extra rest periods to look forward to. And this is the first year he has those two days off! He hasn't had paid vacation time in a couple of years. His job doesn't offer lunch hours or break times and he is on his feet for most of these hours--so he comes home exhausted. I don't mean to whine--but--it is the reality we live with, and sometimes it gets to be more than either of us can deal with very well. When I am exhausted as well, and at the end of my rope, it makes for an unhappy household!! As much as he'd like to help with schooling, it is pretty much an impossibility, so, there are periods of time that the pressure gets to me. All the housework, all the meal prep, all the child-training, and all the schooling. It's a lot. But I also realize there are some who have it worse yet, even than I do.

Sometimes, ya gotta step back. That's part of my weekly "Thankful" posts...a reminder, to myself, to step back and be grateful, even in the midst of turmoil. Additionally, it is good to remember that anything worth having, is likely going to be difficult to come by. In the case of child-training, the easy way out is rarely the best or "right" way. More likely, it is the tough road, the one less travelled which makes all the difference (I must agree with Robert Frost on this point!).

And so, homeschooling is worthwhile, but it is not easy--I cannot send my kids off to be educated. I will not "have my life back" when my last child hits kindergarten. I don't have any homeschooling friends currently...so it is sometimes difficult to watch as they all send their kids off to school...and fill their days with tasks completed in solitude. With errands that are run, unfettered by small children! With lunch dates, if they desire...hobby time...whatever! My days will be filled with training and education and overflowing laundry and a house in constant disarray. A house full of little ones does not schedule as easily as an empty house does! Nor does it stay as clean.

But I am determined to enjoy having my kids around me (not necessarily every day, but most days anyway). For one day, they will leave our nest to build their own...and I know that I will miss them then. For they are my constant companions!! And, I can protect my children from outside influence for 8 hours a day...I can choose what they will learn, and what they will not learn (well, to a point). I can instill a Biblical worldview and save the secular, humanist worldview for when they are old enough to handle it. My children don't know what a fashion statement is...they don't know what an X-box is...they don't know what movies are out...what music is "cool"....and for now, I am grateful for this! Additionally, I can learn patience as I teach it...I can learn humility as I teach it...I can learn much from my children as they learn from me. I can do all the Nature studies with them, the History with them; I can read wonderful books with them...yes, there are many benefits of homeschooling. If only I can remember them during the tough and trying times. Like now. So I remind myself.

And now I am ready to face another week.

A *big* holiday weekend is over for another year--not only do we celebrate Thanksgiving, but my side of the family also celebrates Christmas while my younger brother and family are in town...and when extended family can schedule in a visit. This relieves our Christmastime schedule, but makes for a busy, busy Thanksgiving weekend! And so, with that behind me, I am ready to decorate for Christmas, to pull out my snowman dinnerware, and look forward to Advent season and all that it brings--and to spend our days reflecting on the hope, the peace, the love, and the joy of the Christmas Season, as we remember the birth of Our Lord.

Tomorrow we will have our daughter (15 months) dedicated during our church service--or rather--we, as her parents, will dedicate ourselves to her. I am excited to have all of my family present for this time, and my husband's mother will join us as well. AND, my older brother was ordained this year, so he will perform the ceremony (brief as it will be), with our Pastor joining in for prayer with us. This is my brother's first baby dedication, so it's special to me, that we are able to have him do this with our child. I am so proud of him, and it is an honor to have him dedicate our baby--and us--before Our Lord. He will also be preaching for the first time!! Very cool! So, it will be a neat Sunday, and I'm thankful that our family will be around us, in support of us, and of him.

Here I am...

2006-11-24T21:36:00.000-08:00

Well, I've done it...I'm here. And ready to blog. :) I opened a blog once before. And then I learned an important lesson in the blogging world--DO NOT TELL ANYONE YOU KNOW. Why? Because you lose the ability to say what you want to say. You can be honest, but only to a point...you cannot mention names...you cannot be specific...you may not be able to be authentic in your writing, depending on who you shared your blog url with (like your family, your in-laws, your friends and *not* friends--guess how I know?). Sometimes it's easier to talk to strangers. A sad reality. And now, my reality! Privacy! Because no one knows.

My name, "midnight mom" was derived from the fact that I am generally online late at night--and other times as well--but, it is nighttime once my house is finally quiet. I have 3 children; ages (almost) 8 and (almost) 5, and 15 months. Girl, boy, girl. Nighttime is my solitude...and then there is sleep. Which is what I should be doing right now. But instead, I am opening a new blog. Because I prefer solitude to sleep.

And in that solitude, I feel an odd need to connect...to a world of strangers? To the masses online? To anyone and yet, to no one in particular...to simply be known, and yet, not really. More accurately, then, to have my heart be known, but not my face. Yes, that's it. There's a world full of us--nameless, faceless, miles and miles away--and yet--known by our hearts. By our written words. By our blogs.